Struggling with imposter syndrome
Content warning: Detransition
Since 13 I always wished to be a woman. But it never was really a wish to "be a woman" or a complete dislike for my body, as moreso a wish to be pretty, being treated more like a woman and having freedom to pursue feminine fashion and interests.
Since I informed myself on hrt and realized I could be a woman if I wanted to, I got obsessed with hrt and wanted to take all the steps to make it happen.
But then I found a video from a detransitioner and since then I always had this dooming thought that maybe I'm just tricking myself into believing it for one or other reasons and that I'm gonna regret getting onto hrt and I'll become a grumpy detransitioner.
I know this is not my voice, I know that I want to get on hrt, and I know there is nothing bad on testing what happens and going back if I regret it, but I cannot seem to get rid of the shame that this thinking makes me feel