I used to think I was asexual because I'm so deeply sex repulsed, but now I'm realizing that it's more likely gender dysphoria. I'm more disgusted by my body than I am of sex. Anything that draws attention to me in a sexual way, especially my sexual characteristics, is an immediate turn off to me. Anybody who is attracted to my body is immediately gross to me. Being treated LIKE a woman in a sexual context is untrustworthy and the opposite of affirming. Sex has never once been pleasurable or fun in the slightest.
The thing is, I'm highly romantic and flirty, but as soon as things hint at getting sexual, my dysphoria is crippling. So now I just avoid flirting and dating altogether, just to save everyone the inevitable grief. It's been too long, though.
I've been on HRT about 4 years, but no surgeries because of circumstances outside my control. I'd love to start dating again, but I have no idea how to address the dysphoria. I have no idea how to begin a sexual relationship when I can't really have sex, yet I still want to flirt and date.
I'm all about communicating, but I'm not even sure how to communicate or negotiate this with a prospective partner, because I'm not even sure what would work? It's so inexpressibly frustrating.