u/Cartoonnerd01

Hello people. This may sound a bit aggressive on my part, but I am genuinely pissed off right now. My mom is starting to slowly show her true colors, now that I have her as a work client.

For context: I create epoxy resin clocks with graphics that I sell at the local saturday market in my town. I also make them with custom graphics, from commissions.

So my mom commissioned me, in her coworker's name (cause it's her coworker that requested it), a large wall clock with a personalized graphics. And I started working on it.

Well, even though I have been working on it since about four days (I'm building the master for the mould), she keeps coming to me and pester me: "When are you gonna make it", "Make the clock", "Don't keep me waiting". And when I reply that I am working on it (which I am), she replies "No you're not" "Doesn't seem like it".

I get it, she doesn't think I'm working because I'm not busting my ass off enough to be considered "working" in her view. It pisses me off. I may not be making the graphics part yet, but since it's the quickest part, I can do that part last, after the mould has been fully made. She does not like that.

She doesn't even show the slightest appreciation for the work I am doing and instead keeps pestering me about "having to work on it". It feels frustrating having your work dismissed and minimized. :<

Sorry about this rant :<

Edit: forgot to mention, this isn't the first time she acted like this. Check this other post out. :<

Sorry about the weird question, but this one is a bit more overwhelming than the others.

Do your parents, willingly or not, make you feel stupid whenever you make a mistake/mishap instead of supporting you through it? With you feeling like a bad person for not thinking that through afterwards?​

Something like this happened today. It's gonna be a bit hard to describe, but here it goes:

So for context, I sell my own products at a local saturday's market, where vendors set up their tables to put their products on display. Well, so far, one of the vendors has offered to share one of his tables for me to put my products on, but recently we have discussed about getting my own table, and we ended up getting one from a friend of his, buying it for me. I was thrilled and thanked him profusely for this.

What dumbass me didn't think through, though, was that I might have to pay him back for this. It came up when I told my mom about me getting this table from that guy. That turned out to be correct, that I do have to pay him.

But that's not the issue, the issue is the way my mom spoke to me when telling me the possibility of me having to pay the guy: the tone she said it (before we and after we got it) with sounded like "Are you stupid for not thinking that through". Essentially a thin-veiled shaming. Rather than supporting me through that, while reassuring me that sometimes we miss details (like I did).

This isn't new. She has always used this shaming tone whenever I miss something that is obvious to her. I may now know that I may have to pay someone back when something like this happens, but at what cost? Ah yes, at the cost of my self-worth and self-esteem. Feeling more and more internal shame for not thinking things through, and always being unsure of the things I do, whatever they are.

Am I right to feel this way? Or am I just overreacting? (I know I shouldn't be saying this, but growing up in a not-so-obviously toxic family I am always unsure).

PS one last thing: in retrospect, the fact that I wasn't aware of this "transactional" exchange is another sign of emotional neglect and the confusing nature of my upbringing: both authoritarian and permissive at the same time. I was hit, yelled at, shamed etc... but there were also no rules, at least clear ones. The "rules" were actually orders or mini-lectures, and were invisible. So it made it seem like there were one million rules that I couldn't possibly memorize. No wonder I was a confused, overwhelmed undiagnosed autistic child.

Sorry about the lenght. Thanks for reading it all :3.

Mainly because you do: I was in the wrong = Mom was right = I have no right to complain about it;

It has happened and still happens to me: even though by now I am fully aware and convinced of my family's toxicity, there are times where I tell about something that happened where I feel like I'm the one in the wrong, so in fear of getting judged and criticised, I delete the post.

Have you done something similar too?