u/CarlRogersFTW

I’ve been friends with my boyfriend for 3 years before we got together, and we’ve been officially together for 9 months.

I think it’s worth noting that I jumped into a relationship with him very soon after getting out of a long-term relationship, and so did he. This man has repaired me so beautifully, and has been such a huge support for me throughout all of the craziness that’s been happening while we’ve been together.

With that being said, the craziness is not ending. I’m looking at becoming a full-time caretaker for my grandmother with Alzheimer’s, I’ve been helping my Dad who homeless and was just released from jail. I’ve just completed my Masters degree and am still looking for a job. I’m entering this entirely new phase of life and I have no clue what I want, and as cliche as it sounds, I have no idea who I am.

All of this is taking a toll on how I’ve been able to contribute to the relationship. I am exhausted, depressed, overwhelmed, and anxious all the time. I love him so much, and we talked about our futures and met each others families. He’s been so good to me and I know he’ll be blind sided. But I need to focus on my family and figuring out what I want this next chapter of life to look like.

What do I say? I know there’s no way around making him feel bad about it. But how do I make it him understand that the love is there, and I just want to work to be a better person for myself and my family so I can potentially be better for him in the future. Any advice is appreciated. Please be kind, I know I screwed up in a lot of ways and I’m just trying to find the best way to break it off so I don’t hurt him anymore.

EDIT: Woah! So many great insights. To answer a few questions and to bring some of my comments to the main post:

1. I have been a serial romantic and haven’t been single longer for a couple of months in YEARS. When I got out of my last relationship, I had every intention of remaining single and working on myself. That plan obviously failed and I jumped into it with quickly. I have never been alone and have never made a life choice that didn’t revolve around the person I was dating.
2. No one is asking him to wait for me while I figure stuff out, that is absolutely insane and I would never ask that of him. If he still wanted to be friends or wanted to go no contact, I’d respect his wishes either way.
3. A lot of y’all have mentioned therapy and like… obviously. I’ve seen one on and off over the years. Some of you pointed out self-sabotage and I mentioned that you guys are on the right track with suspecting something like that. When I complete my job search and I’m in a more financially stable place, therapy is at the top of my list. I just can’t afford it right now.
4. You are all right to call me out by saying I haven’t had a real conversation with him, and it’s not fair to him to not give him that first. I know what I’m leaning towards, but he deserves to hear an uncensored version of how I’m feeling and we can make a decision from there.
5. It’s a breakfast sandwich from Bruggers Bagels 😂

Last edit: Y’ALL I DO NOT EXPECT HIM TO STAND BY AND WAIT FOR ME. I AM NOT ASKING HIM TO PUT HIMSELF ON HOLD IN ANY FASHION. The meanie men found the post and clearly didn’t read the second point I made on the last edit.