Well I am not sure where to begin or start. I’ve been struggling with PTSD from some time. It all started after a nasty break up with an Ex-girlfriend. It happened in 2022. Things were fine which I so I’ve thought until she started to find ways to argue and making herself the victim in many situations. I’ve caught her cheating on me many times and she made it look like she was so innocent by deleting chat logs always telling me I was so insecure.
She was pregnant and she got an abortion (thankfully) and she was insulting me that she did. Don’t get me wrong I was very sentimental about it but looking it back I am glad she did or else she would have collected money from me.
Anyways when those dark times were happening sadly I lost my cousin from an accidental overdose. I needed some help and I was grieving. All she said to me was that she was glad he was dead. Still til this day it’s really suck in my head. I am still very upset about it.
Nights with her were the worst since she would play with herself and just knock out and not even touch me at all. Like she was teasing me or something but it just made me feel like crap.
Somewhere in 2022 December she got drunk and she told me that she was only with me because of the sex and the reason why she doesn’t love me because “I have a shit personality”
We broke up since of the countless lies she told, my cousin, and especially finding ways to make me feel like total crap. It took some time for me to fully find a way out.
I am finding it hard nowadays since I have night terrors about those horrible past events, whenever me and my current partner are like arguing or not cuddling it tends to trigger it. I really hate feeling guilty about it. The night terrors, negativity thoughts, always being in high alert on things. I am seeking for some advice or someone I can talk to who understands