I've never really posted anything on reddit and I don't generally make a habbit of forrums and such but I think I'd just like to throw my feelings out into the air in a group that maybe understands them?
I've been broken up with my ex (she was diagnosed with BPD) for a year now and still memories come back up sometimes. Just today one of my friends did something that reminded me of that behaviour and I came here just to read for a bit. I feel bad because only after breaking up with her did I realise how much I disliked being around her, like a dog flinching at a raised hand.
Everything she did had to be perfect and somehow I got held to a higher standard. I rarely felt like I was getting the bare minimum and I was giving up actual parts of myself to keep her happy, then when I finally had enough and stopped trying THAT too was used against me.
Anyway, I'm not really here to do more than just ramble so point is that I don't feel positively towards any of it anymore and I feel bad because of that. I don't wish bad things on her but I don't want good things either. I just realised I truly, TRULY don't care. And it doesn't quite feel good but it feels a lot better than caring and being abused over it.
Leaving is worth it, maybe not to everyone but to me it sure was. The longer they stay the more they break with them when you cut them out.