I hate having sex with my husband.
We’ve been together for 18 years, since end of high school.
I have always had a low libido. Idk if his is high or average but when we were younger we would hang out 3-4 times a week and always had to have sex. Looking back, it’s always been a chore to me. But now it’s just dreadful. Literally. I dread it.
I have absolutely no sex drive or interest in upping my sex drive. He’s a selfish lover and I don’t miss it at all. When he shows me any kind of attention, physical or non, I’m like “fuck, he’s going to ask to have sex”. And i’m always right. And so I just put up with it and then I cry after. I hate it so much. He has said if I don’t have sex with him “he’s going to have to go find it elsewhere” because he “needs” it, and I just don’t understand and masterbation isn’t the same.
I’ve told him I need love and connection and non sexual physical touch. He says okay and then only does that minutes before asking me to have sex. It’s been this way for years. It’s gotten so bad, the last time he asked I thought about running to my car and just leaving.
I have a 7 year old and a 3 month old baby and I just don’t have it in me anymore. i want to be left alone.