Having trouble moving past disappointment after my fiancé’s (28M) and I (26F) proposal
My fiancé 28/M and I 26/F have been together 7 years and he recently proposed. I honestly feel horrible even typing this because I know he was trying to do something special, but I’ve been really struggling with disappointment over how it happened.
For years whenever we talked about getting engaged, I always mentioned the type of proposal I dreamed of. Nothing expensive or crazy, literally just private, thoughtful, romantic, and personal to us. I have really bad social anxiety and he knows I don’t even like kissing or making out in public because attention on me makes me panic. I always pictured something intimate.The thing is, the weeks and honestly months leading up to this trip were rough. We had been arguing a lot, even during parts of the trip itself, so engagement was honestly the last thing on my mind. Deep down I actually thought if this trip went badly enough we might break up. So when he proposed it genuinely hit me like a truck emotionally. I went from anxious and unsure about our relationship to suddenly being engaged in front of a crowd of strangers and I think my brain just completely short-circuited.
We rented this beautiful cabin together and both paid for the trip. The cabin was SO romantic too, decorated with pictures from the movie UP which I love, and honestly I really thought if he ever did propose that would’ve been the perfect place. I hate even admitting that because I know it sounds ungrateful, but I really wish he had done it there .Instead he proposed in a crowded public park with people gathering around watching us. The second it started happening I completely froze. I think he expected this huge emotional happy reaction and instead I genuinely felt like I was having a panic attack. I did say yes because I love him and do want to marry him, but afterward I cried, and later we even fought because I think we were both hurt and confused by how everything went.
What makes it harder is that I had communicated so many times what would make me comfortable and happy. I didn’t need some huge production, expensive ring, or anything flashy. I just wanted to feel emotionally understood. Even little things mattered to me, like flowers, and I didn’t even get those. I know that probably sounds stupid to some people which is why I feel guilty even posting this.
I feel terrible because I know proposals are vulnerable for the person asking too, and it honestly kills me thinking he probably imagined this amazing moment and instead got me panicking and crying. We have talked about it since and I know he tried to make me feel better. The next weekend he took me jet skiing to cheer me up, which I appreciated, but honestly I don’t think he fully understands why I’m hurt. It’s not about money or wanting something extravagant. I think I just wanted to feel listened to and emotionally seen in such an important moment.
I really do love him which is why this whole thing is messing with my head so much. I can’t tell if I’m overreacting because the proposal wasn’t what I pictured, or if the bigger issue is feeling like the person I’m going to marry didn’t really hear the things I said were important to me. Has anyone gone through something similar? How did you and your partner work through it?