Im 22F dated a guy 26M
We dated for 2 long years and are broken up for more than 1.5 years now. We ended things but the ending wasn’t clean, I practically was the one holding onto the relationship and one fine day I completely gave up. I never wanted to look back again and for the first three months i didn’t contact him at all. Got a text from him 3 months later and we kept on having here and there during the whole course of the breakup . It was like either him or me contacted each other at least once a month. Cut to on January i suffered an ACL tear injury and i was mentally devastated, i naturally felt like texting him and i did, he said how he feels sorry for the whole incident but also said that he doesn’t want me to text further as he’s completely utterly busy with his placements and job. He was struggling to find a job. So i let him be. And yes he did keep saying this about his career for quite sometime now. It was somewhere my mistake that i contacted him. He also told me to at-least wait for few months till May till he sorts out his career aspect. Cut to this May I contacted him and found out that he’s seeing someone. Which is technically fine because i did too. And i did first after the breakup. But what somewhere took me aback was for the longest time he painted s picture in my head as if he isn’t involved with other people and all that jazz not that he owed me anything but still. At first when he said he’s seeing someone i didn’t take it seriously and reacted and said that how could he not even bother to ask me for my condition but then when he sweared and said that he’s genuinely seeing someone thats when I respectfully stepped back and told him that i contacted him purely from a place of vulnerability and not that i wanted to rekindle the relationship. My feelings for him had long gone and over.
I just feel like a fool for reaching out to him and the image his current partner might have created. After 4 months i contacted him and i must have looked desperate which was not the case, me approaching him was fully from a place where i felt i could because he always said I could and thats why he kept the window open and mainly because he said he’d always be there for me. Had I known about this id have never approached.
My assumption is that he completely moved on for good when he realised i didn’t contact him for 4 months in between. Because that was highly unlikely of me to do, he must have felt that shes moved on with her life and its high time I should too. Thats my assumption, because thats what he always used to say that the day you give up completely its over.
I did think of sending another the text of why i felt free to approach him in the first place because it’s just the fact that how my image’s been created and i look desperate. What can i do?