u/Careless-Junket-330

8 years sober now and I still can't quite believe it sometimes...

It wasn't a straight road. When I first decided to quit, I relapsed 5 times... 14 days, 24 days, 60 days, 87days and even 139 days once... For a long time, I genuinely thought this was just how my life was going to be, and I would never be able to quit permanently. It used to make me feel so bad... I cannot even explain it now... I wonder how I survived all those nights... What I didn't know until way later was that I had been dealing with depression through all of it, just quietly making everything harder without me ever having a name for it.

Through all of that, my cat was there. She's a rescue and honestly one of the most independent cats you'll ever meet. Finds the highest spot in the room, watches everything like she owns the place, doesn't really do cuddles or lap sitting, doesn't greet guests, not out of shyness, but out of hatred for people in general, lol... But she loves me, and I have always known that.

How do I know that? Because every time I got sick during those nasty withdrawals, she was right there with me. Walking with me to the bathroom, waiting for me to come out after vomiting, sitting beside me, meowing, and looking straight at my face the whole time. Never left until I did. For a cat like her, that was huge.

And honestly, I couldn't keep putting her through that, and I think deep down that's what finally made rehab feel real to me. I was unable to find a suitable rehab in Raleigh where I was living at that time, so I moved to Wilmington for treatment, and honestly, that change of scenery saved me.

Fresh start, no past around every corner, just room to actually figure out who I was without alcohol and without the depression I was finally starting to understand.

Apart from my kitty and the professional help, my now husband, then best friend, was supportive through all of it... Now we're both here, two cats richer, and life is really, really good.

To anyone in the early days, find your reason to keep going. Even if it's a small, fiercely independent, doesn't do cuddles, furry one...