I 31F have been married to my husband 32M for 6.5 years. We’ve had a rough marriage, he was physically, mentally and emotionally abusive for many years but slowly got better. However, I’ve been feeling alone in our marriage for a long time now. He’ll lash out every 6 weeks or so and stay mad at me for days at a time for the silliest reason. He’ll ruin vacations because I’m working too much because I couldn’t get days off.
Recently I started talking to someone online, and it became romantic even though that wasn’t the initial idea. I am flying out to see him in a few days. This person has been a breath of fresh air and has the emotional maturity that I was craving. We have been speaking for 2 months.
I came clean to my husband about everything and he is willing to fix everything and overlook the cheating if I don’t go to see this guy. I just don’t know what to do. I feel guilty to ruin everything that my husband and I have built together but I’ve been so miserable and alone in this marriage that I have already emotionally checked out. It’s also so hard to see him crying about letting things go, and not being able to see our pets.
Edit: some examples of his abuse: he broke my personal 5k laptop 2 days ago and threw it into the pool because I asked for a divorce. Last week he got mad that I clogged the hotel toilet and called me rtarded and stupid and made me fix it before I could go to bed, and made me sleep in the spare bed.
What would you do?