I am not sure if this is the right sub, but I couldn't think of where else to ask opinions/thoughts.
My grandpa had a heart attack and half of his heart died and was in the hospital essentially on life support. My dad and I flew to go see him. He lived on the east coast and we didn't see him very often. It had been 5 years at that point.
I was with him for 2 full days(he had been in the hospital roughly 2 weeks at this point), until it was decided to pull the breathing tube out and just wait. I was by his side every minute I was at the hospital. It had been roughly 6 hours from the time the tube was pulled out. He was starting to get restless and irritable(beginning of the end) and my cousin saw I was getting emotional about it. She offered to go for a walk around the hospital and come back. My gut told me no. But, I went anyways. This was hard for my dad to watch too so he decided to run down to the parking garage real quick to grab his medicine he takes every night.
We weren't even gone more than 10 minutes and we go the call to come back. By the time we ran into the room, it was filled with my other family members saying sweet goodbyes and send offs to him. I can't remember clearly if his pulse was really really low or it had stopped.
What I have been asking myself for the last 8 years is why did it happen, once my dad and I left? Was he waiting for us to be out of the room? Is he upset with me for leaving him in those last few moments? I cannot seem to forgive myself for leaving.