I did a love marriage. Four years of relationship, we were both from good families, we respected boundaries, never got physical before marriage. She told me she has psoriasis. I didn’t think much of it.
On our wedding night I saw her body for the first time.
Psoriasis spots, dark long patches, from below her neck down to her legs. Almost her entire body except her face. And not just that, her entire legs and arms have strawberry skin, every single pore raised and rough, covering everything.
I was in shock. Not because I’m shallow. But because I was completely unprepared.
It’s been almost a year now. I take her to doctors. I compliment her every day. I tell her she’s beautiful. I’ve never made her feel ugly, not once.
But inside? I’m falling apart.
I notice women with clear skin everywhere. Friends, colleagues, random women around me. And I feel this sharp pain, like grief almost, thinking I wish. I’ve started searching things online just to see what I manifested in my head for years. A healthy, clear body. That’s it. That’s all it was.
And before anyone assumes, I don’t watch porn. I find it disgusting, always have, even when boys around me growing up used to watch it. So this isn’t that. This is just something I genuinely manifested for years in my own mind.
And I hate myself for it.
Because she is the best human I’ve ever known. Mentally, emotionally, financially, she is everything. She deserves a man who looks at her body and feels nothing but love.
I don’t know if I’m the villain here. I don’t know if this feeling ever goes away. I would never cheat. I would never leave. But I’ve never felt more alone in my own marriage.
Has anyone been through something like this? Especially women, I genuinely want to understand how you’d want your partner to handle this internally.