u/Careful_Birthday_271

My primary partner has an emotional attachment to his ex partner. They were together for nine years, and they broke up a month after I moved to the same town. He and I have been talking to each other/ on and off in a love hate relationship for the past 2.5 years (it's been tumultuous, I got a bpd diagnosis, and since asking for monogamy with him, things have been slightly more stable). I think my ideal relationship set-up is an open relationship, or an open relationship where you can fall in love, but it's only casual, not a non-hierarchical polyamorous relationship. He and her are not actively together, but I still struggle with the connection they have. I don't want to entirely cut him off from her, but I don't feel ready for polyamory. I find her presence influences my decision-making as he and I figure out our relationship structure. I'm not sure what to do, because I don't want to tell him he can't love her, but I don't feel ready for full blown polyamory. Any ideas?