I (25F) have been dating a guy (30M) for almost 4 months now. I can’t decide if he’s too sweet and clingy to the point that it’s cringy, or if I’m just used to dating jerks.
Now this is going to be a long one so bear with me…
For context we both have kids. He gets 50/50 custody of his and I have my 2 year old son full time.
On the weeks he doesn’t have the kids he ends up staying with me all week long. Which is fine and dandy but I live with my mother and my brother still… so you can see how things are a little awkward. I feel guilty for turning him down for sex because there’s other people in close living quarters.
He does some things that give me the ick. Like he’s always wanting to lay on me in the living room with my family there. If I drive us somewhere he lays his head on my arm. And idk if it’s just me but I find it annoying. I’ll be trying to pick up or be doing something and he follows behind me almost as if to see what I’m doing. If I’m doing dishes he’ll pop in the kitchen maybe 3 times or more.
When we aren’t together he’s always texting me paragraphs of sweet things which I honestly think is love bombing … like paragraphs after paragraphs. I get telling me how you feel and it’s sweet but it’s just frustrating to hear the same things being said over and over 5-10 times a day. Like talk about something real, about your day, about what you ate for lunch, about anything but how much you love me and are lucky you are to have me and can’t wait to marry me … 10 times a day over and over. …
On top of this the weeks he’s in his hometown with his kids (he lives with his brother since he’s been separated from his ex wife)
He is up in my arse. Getting upset if I don’t text him back immediately, saying things like “what’s wrong” and “idk what I did to make you mad” because I don’t respond fast enough.
We live about an hour away and because of both of our insecurities we agreed on putting cameras in our bedrooms (INSANE I KNOW) but I feel like he’s constantly watching mine like if I’m on my phone in bed watching reels or scrolling and not talking to him he looks at the camera. There’s been times where he’ll see me get a notification after I’m asleep and in the morning ask who it was.
We also have life 360 , and if any of you have it you know it’s not always accurate. There’s been a couple times where it says my phone is dying and it’s not and he ask me why I’m letting my phone die… just idk.. I feel like I could go on so I’m not gonna drag it out anymore , let’s get to the pros about him now.
Despite him being overly sweet, he is still sweet. He’s nice to me and to my son. He remembers things I like and brings me my favorite drinks all the time. He opens doors for me , the car door and all. He pumps the gas for me. All the gentleman things.
There’s mornings where I’m running late for work and he’ll be the one who gets my son dressed and fed for daycare and drops him off. I work a swing shift so half the week is days and the other half is nights. On the nights he doesn’t have his kids he’ll be at my house to watch my son so that I can go to work. And my son loves him.. he really does. He calls him daddy. I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend and I especially don’t want to hurt my son.
I just fear it’s going to turn bad I know I’ve been ignoring red flags. I just don’t know what to do because I do love him but at times he’s just too much or asks too many questions.
I can’t tell if I’m truly the asshole or if he is.