u/Careful-Onion-7550

I am a calm person. It takes a LOT to make me lose my temper or overwhelm me. I never speak without thinking first, so I never say things in anger or that I otherwise regret. Cool as a cucumber.........that's me.

Last week I had to tell my husband for the first time that I was not going out to eat with my FIL because I don't think I could have pretended not to notice how he treats my children like props to make him look like an involved grandpa when the other 99% of the time he completely ignores my husband (his son) and our kids. I also would not have been able to stop myself from ripping his head off.

He is incredibly unreliable, inconsiderate, and disrespectful of other people's time - we never tell our kids (2 and 4yo) he is coming or we have plans with him and let it be a surprise because it is always a surprise to us if he follows through. He has already made my daughter cry because he doesn't follow through, and I can tell it hurts my husband that his dad doesn't make any effort with our kids. Then he has the nerve to be upset that our kids don't really care if he is there and don't seem excited to see him - they barely know him. He lives less than an hour away and saw our son maybe 4 times his first 2 years of life.

This weekend was the last straw for me. Our daughters 4th birthday party was planned for a couple of months - the night before his dad calls and says he is driving his girlfriend to another city a couple hours away for a training she has to go to. He skipped his granddaughter's birthday to go sit in a parking lot all day instead of his girlfriend driving herself. He wanted to come bring a birthday present and take us out for supper. F**k him. Even hearing his voice downstairs when he showed up made me want to kick him in the balls.

My "I don't give a f**k" meter has been screaming red where that poor excuse for a man is concerned. My wonderful husband deserves a better dad and my kids deserve a better grandparent. What is really sad is that he used to be different from what I hear but completely checked out when my MIL died (she died early in our relationship) so this is all I've seen.

Fun game? The only people my kids have been left with are my family and a couple of close friends - none of these people would accept payment other than us buying them dinner if we insisted.

Anyway, for the past 4 years (we have a 4yo and 2yo) I have stayed home with the kids during the day while my husband was at work and then when he got home we would eat supper together and do bath and bedtime together and then I would go to work (home office). Depending on the time of year I don't have to work some nights and neither of us work weekends. For a few months out of each year I am working every day and have to go to work right away after supper.

This summer I am planning on having my cousin's teenage daughter (whom my children absolutely adore and she is so great with them!) come babysit so I can work during the day for the summer - she isn't super experienced with babysitting but I will still be working from home so will be there if something happens. She isn't old enough to have a driver's license, so won't be taking them anywhere.

Fair rate for 2 kids? Both kids are really easy and really well-behaved from what I am told. No special needs. This wouldn't involve any cleaning or anything other than cleaning up after meals and picking up toys or games after they are done with them, but the kids are used to putting something away before getting something new out for the most part.