u/CareHistorical3572

My best bud for life Kitty died of old age and with cancer a few weeks ago. He is 15 turning 16.

The silence he left me is deafening. I remember him in every corner of where I live. I miss his tiny paw sounds when he approach me, his gentle meows, his purrs and the smell of him. I still have some of his belongings that smells of him and I don't know how I can have the scent for long (he always smells good, he loves baths so maybe that's why his musk smells of a newborn baby).

What I'd give to have him back. He died peacefully as per the vet which is a consolation. We were supposed to have him put to sleep if his quality of life decreases but I think he wants to go his own way so he just died in his sleep with no suffering while his quality of life is still good. But even so, I ask myself if I could still have done something else? to prevent the cancer or make him healthier. I envy those whose cats are already 20+. It feels like 15 is still too short. If only we can spend an entire lifetime together with our pets

I love him so so much. We've been through a lot together. I am an introvert and I don't get along with people much so he really became my companion and confidante in a lot of things. I still talk to the room sometimes thinking his soul is listening somewhere.

Now, I can't really move on with the grief and it has been affecting so many aspects of my personal life. I don't want to work anymore (and has been messing up a lot, I just don't see the sense of living anymore in general). He is my only true friend. And the only one who reciprocated love so purely back.

I don't know what to do

Hindi ko alam why I can't get along with people older or same age as me. I think may autism siguro ako (lol)

Pero ang pansin ko, since ako ang laging pinaka matanda sa age group, financially hindi pa ready yung mga bagets ko na friends so ako lagi tiga shoulder minsan sa mga bayarin when we go out or travel.

Pag ang kasama ko naman is yung mga ka age ko, parang plastikan lang and hindi ko talaga feel yung vibe? ewan. off my chest lang siguro to.

Di ko alam if normal ba to? or may other people ba na same?

PS. Minsan mas updated pa ako sa ganap ng mga Gen Z, saka work wise, mas gusto ko yung mentality nila. Like, they believe in work life balance. Mga kilala ko kasi na ka age ko or older, sila yung mga traditional mag isip about life and work? Di ko tuloy alam if woke lang ba ako?

PPS. Saan ba makakahanap ng ka same age group pero mas open minded na mga tao hahaha, seryoso minsan nagugulat yung mga young friends ko na I get them and I understand their hobbies and trip sa life, minsan talaga hindi ko nalang din sinasabi age ko. Yung mga ka age ko naman di gets pag may i-open up ako na stuff. Or baka lang hindi ko alam saan hanapin yung crowd or community ng mga titas na into younger gen hobbies and likes?