u/Caramelo7131

My(25m) ex(24f) have had a long and tumultuous relationship that lasted 3 years. the second half of the relationship was extremely toxic where I felt like I wasn’t respected or loved enough and she was unwilling to grow and she felt I was too controlling and didn’t respect her wishes or heard her enough. She’d discover messages on my phone where I’ve been texting girls from my past and I’d discover messages on her phone with her simping on a guy best friend. I never spoke about my relationship with anyone or talked shit about her behind her back with anyone but that wasn’t the case with her. What I saw infront of me was completely opposite to what shed text her friends about how she felt about me. I tried to breakup twice before but I ended up staying cause I couldn’t let her go. I also had a fear she wouldn’t stick up for me how I’d stick up for her.

I had an overreaction to her lying about her Halloween party plans last year and which led to her feeling scared and threatened and us breaking up. We spoke after about 3 days or so after, what followed for the next three months was me trying my best to be a good boyfriend but getting nothing back from her in terms of how she’s feeling. I felt like she was just waiting for the relationship to just slowly die down. The sex however, didn’t stop. it was better if not the best after the breakup. We’d still have arguments cause I was very insecure about how she would put an effort around her male friends but there was nth as such around me.
She started going out more and I found out she kissed a guy the night of Halloween who wierdly was my mate too in the past. And we spoke about it and she apologised, I was ok with it and said I understood. It happened again after that on another night out, with someone else, which she didn’t tell me about until on New new years Eve when we came home after fireworks and were starting to get steamy on bed.

Fast forward start of 2026, we had a massive fight and broke up. I never saw her again until last week, after almost 5 months. Between that time, she saw my tinder profile, texted me good luck finding bitches. I got into an accident, I called her. She wasn’t interested. We spoke again in February, I apologised about my actions in the relationship and how I was unfaithful couple times in any given level. she accused me of fucking her up mentally. She told me she went into mania, she fell out of love but still loves me and she’s met someone who treats her nice. Then radio silence.

she texted about 2-3 weeks ago saying she’s still got my clothes at hers and she doesn’t know what to do with them.
All this time I’ve struggled a lot, i came to terms with my own problems. I became very isolated, I don’t have friends either. Maybe 2 or 3 people I can speak with. I couldn’t stop thinking about her I was forcing myself to forget about her and focus on myself and that text sent me into a spiral again. I didn’t know how to respond and I didn’t respond.

That’s when I saw her last week, my boss came up and gave me a bag with my clothes sort of crammed in. I asked her where she was and apparently she told my boss she’s not sure whether I wanna see her and she was walking to her car. I walked up to her and she said she wasn’t sure what to do with the clothes and I thanked her for returning. I hugged her as soon as I saw her and she hugged me back.
I hadn’t seen her in ages and there was a moment where we just stared at each other. I immediately saw her eyes tear up. I asked her “are you happy?”. She simply shook her head and said she’s realising there’s a lot of problems with herself too. She’s got bpd, personality disorder. She’s got commitment issues and she went into mania and went through a challenging time. She said “I’m seeing someone too, it’s nothing serious, only casual”
I pulled her on the side and told her I’ve struggled a lot too, you don’t realise what you’ve done wrong after you’ve lost it from you. Then you got plenty of time to think about all the things that went wrong and how much I regret it. She said “I saw your tinder profile, you liked my friend and she sent it to me” I said it like it is I’m there but I’m not seeing anyone. I wasn’t lying this time I really haven’t. I haven’t got the confidence or the motivation to go meet people or talk to them. I held her again, I made her laugh. I asked about her family, her pets. I held her and kissed her cheek and said I love you. She said I love you back and that was a relief in my chest. I was still on shift so I had to go back in, I asked her can we chat or meet and she hesitated a little. She said “can I reach out? I’m still working through things and I’m not there yet” I said ofcourse, she knows she can always reach out. Just before she left she asked, “ you understand we needed that breakup” and I said yes I do. She left,

I saw her in her house, don’t ask how. With this new guy in the kitchen, his car parked where my car used to be. Making food where I made food and she was there. Truth is I don’t think that bothers me much. I believe I love her and she loves me back. I just wanna speak to her once more so I know where she’s at. I’m willing to be a better person and win her back again.
Shall I call her or go see her?

TL;DR saw ex after 5 years, we still love each other but she’s already with someone apparently not serious, shall I put effort to win her back or ask an audience from her