This isn't a breakup post, but more of i'm dealing with the consequences of someone else's heartache...
Problem: I think my partner longs for their ex. They always bring her up; Even if it's just a short quip, such as a complaint they have or comparing me to them "I like that you do this unlike..."
I've set my boundaries that I can't mentally stand hearing about it; but it seems that this is more of their innate response; like they just can't help themselves. It has me thinking that maybe I am just a bandaid to fix the hole in their heart – and that my immense love is one-sided.
They can usually reassure me or talk me down when I bring up my concerns; "You are the one I want to be with" but at the end of the day I think I will always be standing in this woman's shadow. I continue to compare myself to her. She is prettier than me, has a better body...ugh. I tell my partner I want her out of my life, because at this point she weighs on my mind constantly.
I love my partner, but sometimes I can't help but think I am loving someone who will never truly love me. I am starting to have panic attacks over this.
Context: They own a house together & started a private practice together and were together for 7 years. We got together accidentally when failed at just hooking-up on the apps; Both of us didn't want to jump into relationship as we both just got out of our relationships. Mine was 2 years. However, we caught feelings...I was ready to move on and we bonded over this; but now 9 months later I still have to hear about the ex all the time and see my partner trying to reach out to them unnecessarily. I confront and they say things like "We own a house, we have a business, we are trying to sell the house".
I'm leaving out a lot, but bottom line is it's like they are still mourning their "loss" but I've been here as their partner feeling like some doormat; Like I get to experience their muscle memory of being in a relationship, while they long for the partner they actually want.