u/CaramelEquivalent979

I’ve always wanted to work, but as I got older my obsessive compulsive thoughts have bothered my life everyday… I feel that it’s just hard overall being present and not ruminating or focusing on the repeating thoughts. I started working for the first time today, and during the interview, during everything, my thoughts always are about that certain thought. My obsessive compulsion thoughts are about being perceived socially, and so I have been pushing myself out of my comfort zone and meeting people. But it’s still there, and I just feel like a loser and a coward at the same time. I feel disappointed in myself, that despite how many times I try putting myself in scary social situations and trying to get over my fears, my thoughts win and I do the action. I still live with my abusive mom, who causes me a lot of stress, and is the main factor to why it’s so hard for me to let go of this thought. I associate my mom with this thought and it affects my self esteem and everything about myself. I don’t know what to do, and I just wonder if anyone can relate or have any advice on how they overcome their obsessive thoughts and stay present in the moment. My body can’t relax at all 😔 I’m tired of letting this rule my life. I want to be human, and I’m tired of my trauma, my brain and my body just not relaxing at all