A little bit of back story M (35F) and I (30F) have been best friends for the past five years. M is a lovely lady but she is also a very confrontational person with a short fuse. To put it in perspective my other close friends J and F no longer talk to her due to this. They both found her exhausting and are not the only people in my life who aren’t huge fans of her. I personally deal with this by not arguing and just normally listening to what she is saying. Despite her being a little “spicy” she is an amazing friend. Will always lend a helping hand and always supports me through EVERYTHING. Our families are close and I am basically an aunt to her daughter who I have watched grow up and adore.
About a month ago I invited M to a party celebrating a milestone of mine. I let her know some of the details two weeks before but didn’t have all of them because someone else was throwing the party. The week of I checked in with her on Weds (party was on Saturday) to see if she would be coming and bringing her daughter. M told me that I “should have told her sooner” but didn’t state that she couldn’t go. This conversation went on while I was trying to get an answer out of her. I told her it was important to me and she told me “if it was important I would have given her all of the details sooner.” I had given her the city we would be in, date, and general time two weeks before so I was confused. She explained that I didn’t say if her daughter could come and I told her that I wasn’t sure when I first told her but she could come. M again evaded the question of not being able to go. It made me feel really small and was honestly just frustrating. It took her a while before finally stating she wouldn’t be attending. I was very frustrated at this point and asked her why she couldn’t go. For context she has had multiple events like this and I have been there helping her take care of her daughter so she could enjoy the moment. She wouldn’t give me an answer as to why she couldn’t go and said me asking her so much was “bringing up trauma.” I let her know she was being a bad friend and we got into a heated argument. It wasn’t insanely bad but definitely out of the norm for us.
The next morning I sent a text message apologizing for not letting her know if her daughter could come earlier and just for being forceful in general. I understand she was probably stressed about needing a babysitter and that wasn’t fair. She thanked me and then stated a bunch of things I needed to work on. She said I wasn’t a good friend, I was manipulative, and a bunch of other not so nice things. I asked her why she had never brought this up before and she said “she didn’t want to live in the past”. I was honestly extremely confused because these things had never come up in our five years of being friends. I cried more than I did over my ex boyfriends and just felt like a really bad person. I was and still am confused as to if I was in the wrong.
We didn’t talk for a while and the only communication I had was saying I missed her about two weeks ago in which she had just liked the message. I still really miss her and am at a point where I want to reach out but I don’t know if it’s worth it. Just seeking advice on reaching out to an old friend and if it worked for other people.