u/CaptainRockman

It always has to do with distance. How close something is to you, usually increases the chances of you wanting to reach for it. If you are married to a non-believer, you are not going to convert her... you are going to be converted. If you put an orange next to you while you're watching TV, you'll most likely reach for the orange at some point. Not counting factors like boredom, loneliness and depression, urges themselves usually occur under these conditions:

• The first reason (if you have just relapsed) is because you have just relapsed and your body is still craving that recent rush it just received... And there is no such thing as a "satisfiable sexual craving". That craving will NEVER be satisfied no matter how many times you orgasm. Remember that it's almost always about distance not the urge itself. Your flesh knows that porn is close by and therefore it wants it here.
• The second reason is because porn is close by and therefore your flesh wants it here. It sounds just like the first one because it is. All urges are. Again, if you're still watching things that stimulate you sexually (even a just little bit) you remain in that constant state of "activation". "Today I didn't fap or watch porn, I only stared at a woman's body at the grocery store, watched a video of a woman dancing seductively and listened to sexual jokes on a podcast... so why am I still having urges?"

Honestly when it comes to this subject I don't mind repeating myself at all. I don't have the strength to condemn anyone because I was in that same boat, and I'm still learning these things the hard way. The way to properly do Nofap is to cut out anything sexual from your life because it will eventually cause you to stumble. Don't confuse this with having sex with your wife, which is a command from God, not lust. But if a video even hints that there's going to be sexual themes, you have to end it and move on. Yes, be paranoid. If a woman is dressed in a way that is clearly designed to turn you on, look away, mind your business, and if you have looked, don't take a second look.

If you ignore this and continue to watch content that is mildly tempting, with the thinking that: "At least it's not porn, and anyway I should be allowed to watch anything if I'm really healed" then you are delaying the healing. And I only say this because I was delaying my own healing for years because of the things I was still engaging with.

It's very rare for urges to occur in a vaccum. Temptation of all kinds comes under specific conditions. The devil had to wait until our Lord Jesus Christ was hungry and alone in the wilderness in order to tempt him. And the first thing Jesus Christ did was use scripture to put distance between Himself and sin.

• Remember your commitment to the Lord.
• Look at the good He has done for you.
• And thank Him for what He has given you.

As long as you are still alive, you still have a chance to receive God's mercy.

When Judas betrayed Jesus Christ, he went on to hang himself because of guilt.

But when Peter betrayed Jesus Christ, he wept but still came back to Him.

There's a big difference between doing wrong and hiding in shame, and doing wrong and coming back to God.

No amount of guilt or shame should ever make you think that it's impossible for God to forgive you. God is still your Heavenly Father and He still wants you to live eternally with Him.

Living in guilt is not repentance. It's not a sign of a good heart or a sacrifice in God's eyes. It's a sign that you believe that God's mercy is limited when it comes to you, and that His forgiveness cannot extend to what you have done personally.

Humility is turning your focus away from you, and towards Him.

God saw every sin you have ever committed, and He even saw every sin you are going to commit in your lifetime. Yet, despite seeing all of this, He STILL chose to send His only son, to die on the cross for your very sins.

He knew Judas would sell Him off for money. He knew Peter would deny Him 3 times and He knew how many relapses would have in your lifetime, yet the creator of Heaven and Earth still chose to come down to Earth in the form of a man, and wash our feet.

Yes, we are not deserving of God's mercy, that is why it's called mercy. It's a gift offered to us by the One who truly loves us.

Come back to God always. Believe in Jesus Christ and receive Him. Before you start thinking that your sin is too great, remember that THAT is what the Lord our God came to give us grace for. People may not forgive you for what you have done, but the Lord who was there before any of them were created, and will still be there even after everything on Earth is gone, will always be pleased that you came back to Him.

Joshua 6:2: ^(")Then the Lord said to Joshua, “See, I have delivered Jericho into your hands, along with its king and its fighting men."

When Joshua was given the orders by God to march around the city of Jericho, he did not understand by human understanding, but he trusted in the God that lead him through the wilderness.

And because of this faith, the seemingly impenetrable city of Jericho had it's walls crumble and fall when the Israelites marched around it and shouted for the Lord.

Nothing is impossible for God.

This is a reminder to trust in Him, even when things don't make sense. Even when it seems like you're moving in the wrong direction when you thought you were progressing before. As long as you trust in God and obey His instruction, God will give you the victory. Amen.

Keep marching.

My friend,

the battle doesn't start at the urges. It starts at the little things we allow on our way to the urges. A little "harmless" Youtube video here, a little peak there, and pretty soon... we have fallen again.

It's the little things we allow that lead to the big things. So mind the little compromises you make each day.

For me, ALL my relapses started with little tiny yes's that should have been no's early on. But I compromised because in my mind, those were "not that bad... I can handle them", and it's only after relapsing that I would realize that they were indeed THAT BAD. If I could "handle" it I would have by now, after 20+ years.

You can fight this. Urges don't come from nowhere, they build slowly through the little compromises we make. If you find that every time you go on Pinterest, you eventually stumble across tempting stuff, then Pinterest has to go for good. You don't have to go back with the idea that: "As long as I don't go too far, I'm good"... That's making a little compromises.

Ask yourself: "Why do I want to watch this seemingly harmless video of this beautiful woman?... why the curiosity?" what's the meaning behind this little compromise I want to make? Is it to numb some deep rooted pain? Am I troubled by something today? In that case, deal with the pain in healthy way, because it'll still be there after you relapse.

This is not a cure for fapping, so don't neglect other healthy practices, like getting enough sleep, keeping your hands busy, writing or talking to someone etc.

Avoiding little compromises is just one of the many useful tools to keep in on this journey.

"^(26) Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26)

Here are some things that you need to understand about temptation:

The first is that things that tempt you will ALWAYS tempt you, if they are still around you. This should be obvious, but when I say "things that tempt you", I'm not just talking about sexual things only, but also things that put you on the road to temptation. For example, if you see that every time you check a certain person's social media, or play certain games, or watch certain videos, it escalates to you looking for something slightly more arousing, then you should know that this was a gateway to the sexual temptation. It's the little compromises we make that put us on the road to these temptations. So for your protection, cut out even the things that lead to temptation.

Another thing you need to understand is that in this life, you have an enemy, the devil who hates you, and this enemy is going to try and fight you on a daily basis, to get you to break. People may turn against you all of a sudden, some may reject you and say all kinds of accusations against you, but that is because the Lord Jesus Christ has chosen you out of the world. If you were a part of the world, it would love you as it's own. But they hated Him first without reason, and they will hate you too for no reason. You have to understand that as long as you continue on your faithful walk, you will be tested because you have chosen life... but don't be discouraged, because God is greater than all your enemies. He will protect you, deliver you from them all, and save many people through you.