My Fiancee often overlooks "forgets" to tell me about super important things.
For example, he and I were staying with his parents to save for our own place. He moved away to college a year later, and I've been waiting for him to return as he felt I should stay and continue saving for a place. He lives 1 hour away in an apartment with his 2 best friends and his sister. He got an internship the summer before he was supposed to graduate that he felt was super corporate and his intention was to use it as a resume booster. He always said he would come back to our town WHEN HE GRADUATED. Fast forward a few months, he signs a lease for his apartment for an extra year after he graduated college "just in case" he wanted to stay at the job he hated. He never talked to me about this decision and at that point we had been together over 4 years.
He quit said job a few months later.
Next, he started hemming and hawing about getting a masters degree. He said he may want to and he said he was thinking about it up until like two months before he graduated. He then said he wasn't going to. Then he decided he wanted to stay for "one more semester" at his college to continue competing on the hacking team at his school. He did not talk to me about it, he told me that was what he was doing.
Then, his sister decided she needed her own apartment and was trying to give someone else her lease. My fiancee got one of his other computer friends on the lease THEN decided he was going to stay at his college for an entire master's degree. Conveniently right as I would not have been able to move in with him anymore.
At this point, we had been engaged for months.
What has made me less accepting of him being "scatterbrained" is that one of his friends is subleasing his room and going to Colorado for an internship. He may be subleasing his room to a random person if they extend him a permanent job offer. Meanwhile, my fiancee REFUSED to request me as a roommate and move to a different building in his complex because his buddies would have to live with someone random for a few months.
Additionally, I found out from his sister that the roommate with the internship is subleasing to his female cousin that I've never met over the summer while he is gone. When was my fiancee planning to tell me about that or even discuss it?
I'm not mad about any of it specifically, just that he has this idea that he's going to tell me what he's doing after months of me begging for an open-discussion. He always says he "doesn't know yet" until he's suddenly decided something that will impact my life immensely. He definitely has some ADHD stuff going on with that but I also feel like he just wants to be with all his little buddies and put off being in a serious relationship.
I ultimately decided to get my own apartment in his town and move out of his parents' house because I came to the realization that if I wait for him I'll be 50 and living with his parents to "save for a place". Anyone with ADHD have any insight into how much it is affecting his decisions and the way he handles things?