u/CapitalFisherman3609

I was thinking today, it's been a few months. It ended when she discarded me in January. January 20...I'll never forget it. Carved into me, the words "I can't promise to be your wife ". "I just want to be able to do whatever I want, nothing in my way, just with my kids and life waits for nooone , you know that". " I believe in expansive love, if others want to love me and I can love them, I just think being with one person is so limiting ". So many years of gaslighting. Making me second guess everything. Nights long with questions. Unanswered and circular, eggshells everywhere making it impossible to get clarity or an answer to if we had a future. 7 years. 7 years. February was the hardest. Barely talking...sending all the stuff she gave me to her house...a letter to her parents....our birthdays came and went instead of celebrating them for the first time...in years. My 47....her 39....just gone. March was pain...separate Spring Breaks with our kids...my son with me...her 3 kids with her, and neither of us was talking or has any idea where we were...so I blocked and went no contact after that..to protect what I had left. Betrayed and rebuilding. It's May now, I'm working so hard on getting back to me, funny how a covert narcissist will dismantle your trust and identity over time and when you realize it they're long gone. Onto new supply maybe? Who knows ...no checking of social media, no connections. Nothing. Just mystery and occasionally feeling them...feeling her energy. Like a ghost passing by. So, anyone experiwnce this kind of recovery? I hate feeling alone in this, thank you for reading.

So my story . We met in 2019, it was a love bombing and fast fall. I had never met anyone that came at me in that way. She was bold and sincere,and wanted to know everything about me...my son, my life...it felt real. We connected deeply and over the years our kids grew closer, she introduced me to family like I was a partner and a love she treasured. I knew there were signs that she was evolving into someone else. Someone that wouldn't align with me, and I always felt like I was trying to catch up, but seeing as I was a widower trying to get a hold on life many years after my wifes passing and this woman was a divorcee literally fresh out of a several years toxic marriage..it may have always been doomed from the start. Her marriage was infidelity and ugliness for years. She was the cheater, he was the other half that was also messed up . Anyways..it was love, at least on my end and I felt and trusted her too. She said a lot that concerned me, "I'm easy to fall in love with but hard to love". "I wonder sometimes about being with just one person". So...when it ended this January just weeks after we had our last Christmas as a family, that's what I was confronted with. She wanted to focus only on herself, her kids, doing whatever she wanted, and an "expansive love that allowed others to love her and she could love them". So. I was destroyed. 3 months pass..some attempts at talking. It was worse each time..she became colder and they say that you see the real person at the end. And I did. The last straw was in March, she wrote a basic and plain note to my son, after all that time of not reaching out to him, and it was almost insulting. Saying "you can call me anytime if you want to, I know this ending between your dad and I must've been disorienting ". So yeah..whatever. He had words too...hurt and broken, 15 now not 10 like when he first met her , feeling like she still viewed him as a helpless child. It's the end of April now...I blocked and went no contact after that, and it's been a lot for me. Therapy, hard nights sometimes ,terrible thoughts and just trying to get back to myself. I'm 47 now, so it's a pretty bizarre place to be in life when I thought I was building a family for years only to be met with that nightmare. I know this is a lot, but honestly I could really use some advice or anybody's kind of idea on if I'm just crazy or if I just need the grace and the patience within myself because it was so many years. I know that recovery doesn't happen fast and healing takes time maybe I'm just coming to terms with how long it's going to be for me

It's been about 3 months. We were together 7 years, and in that time my son, and her three children (one boy and two girls) became very close. We lived 3 hours apart, long story as to why, short version is I moved to TX to be closer to her but I couldn't be in her city right away, so I had been working on getting my son through school to a point that I could be closer to her...but it all fell apart slowly because she had other plans. She turned down my proposal. I asked her to spend her life with me...she said "I can't promise to be your wife". Other desires and deeper needs were revealed too, apparently things she has "struggled to understand about herself for 20 years"...so much confusion and it just devestated me. So it ended...really badly too...and I have been in no contact , blocked her everywhere , for a while now. It's insane how 3 months can feel so long when you are hurting but that's part of the healing I guess. Anyways..I still have reminders and small things that her children made and gave to me, I treasure them so much, and miss them, as that remains as the one true innocent and loving part of the relationship that feels bittersweet but honest. Part of me wants to bury or put them away but my heart holds space for them (especially her youngest who I was close to, and she was my little ladybug). I don't know...this has been so hard for me. Her betrayal mixed with these memories and love for children that all even if for a few years was truly family. Just venting i guess , if anyone has similar experiences or a word or two I'd love to hear. Thank you.