Hello reddit i just wanted to share my personal opinion as someone whos parent is an alcoholic and what it can do to a person whos surrounded by them. My mother has been an alcoholic since she was in her teens. She had a rough childhood and had easy access to it. when she was pregnant with me and my sister she had to have a glass or 2 of wine everyday because she couldnt stop. Growing up i had a good childhood in an outsiders perspective, i was fed, had good clothes, a place to live and call home, money when i needed it ect… but in reality it wasnt all like that.
The first time i noticed when something wasnt right was in 5th or 6th grade when me, my mom, and my moms boyfriend at the time went to buy golf clubs. my moms and her boyfriend got into a fight and she became a different person, crying, screaming, hitting him when he was driving not only endangering me but everyone in the car. and you might say oh you dont know the whole story and your right i dont know but ive come to understand how her brain works in certain situations. i had to calm my 41 year old mother down as a 9 year old because she couldn’t regulate her emotions. After that it became obvious she had a problem.
Over the years we would get in arguments about how she doesnt feel appreciated and that we dont love her and that she doesnt understand how to love because she grew up without it. i dont really know how to put it in words without sounding like an asshole but i feel as though if you are in multiple relationships and have 2 children you should eventually know what love is and how you reciprocate it. maybe i just dont know and people are gonna flame me for this but in my opinion i feel like thats valid.
One time she went to the beach with her friends and while she was down there she drank 2 fifths of vodka and swallowed a handful of unknown pills to which someone had to forcefully shove their fingers down her throat so she didnt OD. that is when it clicked that she doesnt care about anything other than how she lives and what she does. I was 12. she had to get her stomach pumped and was in rehab for 2 weeks. that was the first time she was sober since she was 13 years old. it obviously didnt last things only got worse.
Me and my sister always wondered if it was something we did wrong. did we not appreciate her enough? did we not love her enough? is it our fault that shes like this? And the answer is no we did everything we were taught about love and care and she just didnt understand that. Another time is when i was sitting in my room at 11pm and she calls me and says ive lost my coke bag i need you to drive me to find it. I was shocked. I didnt know she did drugs and she was plastered out of her mind. And when i refused she said i was a bitch and that she hates me and that shes never doing anything for me ever again and that i can go live with my father. My father is an ex addict who has a gambling addiction and cant stay at a place longer then 6 months. So living there isnt an option. I took her to the place she allegedly lost her drugs and she came back 10 minutes later saying it was gone. after that i wasnt even phased about anything anymore. that was 2 years ago and im 18 now currently. You might think im just an immature child but ive been taking care of a 50 year old toddler longer then ive been one myself.
My sister tries to help but she was alone with her for 7 years before i was born and faced much more then i have. She has her horror storys and i have mine. I got inspiration to write this because i came back from school and saw 3 empty bottles of fifth cherry vodkas outside on our porch. My mother is also depressed, bipolar, and narcissistic person who doesn’t know how to handle her life and the curves it throws you.
Theres genuinely nothing i can do anymore to change her mind about drinking. Its become such a habit for her that its imbedded into her. Trust me ive cried and cried asking why she didnt love us enough to stop and do better for herself but in reality you cant change a person that doesn’t wanna be changed. She doesnt want to be on this earth anymore so she uses her days to drink and drink and drink. She has told me many times that our lives would be better if she was gone but who wants their mother to die? Who wants to be told by their mother that they want to kill themselves at the age of 16. Drinking is the way she copes and its ruined my life. Theres so much more i could go into detail with but ive wrote enough. Please take this into consideration of your actions and how they not only affect you but others around you.