I was the only POC, obviously. I’m tempted to say I shouldn’t be annoyed about it because it was to be expected, but god fucking damn it! The founder and I had just spent two weeks discussing how white supremacy sullies authentic repair across communities and upholds the dystopian economic structures killing ourselves and the planet. And I could tell she was just people-pleasing during those conversations and performing racial allyship, which is the most annoying part for me. Why didn’t I just believe myself when I observed those behaviors from her? I don’t like many people in the first place because so many are so dishonest. I’ve been working on accepting people’s flaws when they’re not glaringly dangerous. But I also accept that my inclination to turn away from insincere people is probably the safest, emotionally at least. I’m willing to use this experience as a way to refine my discernment, I guess I just need help putting the pieces together. I don’t see my therapist until next week and frankly, she sucks.
I would really appreciate any input from people regarding this experience, or if you’ve had similar experiences. I’m also just in the mood to talk shit lol so feel free to rain down some righteous anger. And finally, I’m looking for written resources about cross-cultural communication and community organizing from non-white perspectives. If you have recommendations please let me know.