TLDR; Husband and I can’t pay rent. Am I in the wrong for taking our son to live with my family one state over if we get evicted?
My (25F) husband (32M) and I have a 14 month old son together. He has two kids from a previous marriage who he gets every other weekend and pays child support for. CS recently went up and we can no longer afford basic living expenses, mainly rent.
When asked if we can talk about a plan on what to do if we get evicted I’m met with “I don’t know”, “what do you want me to do”, and the silent treatment, which is a common tactic of his. The last time we faced this, our son was around a month old. My husband was fired. I got the same response so I mentioned me and our son going to my parents one state over. It’s about an 8-9 hour drive. He told me he’d get me a rental car but he had to stay in our state because if he left he’d lose custody of his other two kids. I understood. It worked out because of details that are irrelevant, but I did the work. He was no help physically or emotionally.
This time around I mentioned the same plan. Only this time there’s more strain on our marriage. We’ve fought on and off since my sons was born. Apparently I’ve changed and I’ve been accused of not caring about my husband. I don’t take care of him as well as I used to.
(I’m exhausted. I take care of our son by myself. Every meal every nap every bath. I take care of my step kids by myself.)
He tells me “do what you have to do”, but that I’m “abandoning” him during a tough time. I’ve asked that he and I talk to come up with a better plan. He says he doesn’t have one. I’m at a loss with what to do. Communication with him is impossible. He can say and do whatever he wants but if I do or say anything that he doesn’t like I’m in the wrong and get treated either horribly or like I don’t exist until I’m the one that apologizes. Then he will pretend like he was never upset in the first place and pretend nothing happened. He will ignore me for hours. Turn the tv volume/music up until I give up and quit talking. He’s pulled the car over and refused to take us home one time.
One more backstory because I think it’s relevant to my decision:
We were fighting (me begging him to communicate and him going cold and mean) and I went to bed to get our baby to sleep. He barged in loudly and laid in bed next to me and turned the tv on. It was too bright and loud I couldn’t get our son to sleep. I begged him to turn it off or lower the volume and the brightness. He refused. I went to the living room and got our baby to sleep. He eventually turned it off and I went back in and tried to lay down with the baby in our bed (we co sleep. He doesn’t help at night and it’s the only way I can get enough sleep to function. Our son is a horrible sleeper) he told me that i wasn’t allowed to put him in our bed that night because he “said so”. He told me if I didn’t put him in his crib “it’s gonna get loud in here”. He’s acting like a stranger at this point and I’m scared so I go to my step daughter’s room (she was at a sleepover. My stepson was in the next room over). He again barges in and harasses me for around 30 minutes and I can’t get our son to sleep. It’s past midnight at this point. He’s taking pictures in the dark room with the flash on to have “proof that I’m choosing to be in there with our son than next to him.” Eventually it’s like a switch flipped and he allowed me back into the bed with our son. He acted like nothing happened the next day.
I don’t know if it counts as emotional abuse. He doesn’t allow me to talk to anybody about our marriage problems. I’m happy to have a way out honestly. I’m scared of his anger escalating and it affecting our son. This isn’t the person I married and had a baby with. I don’t know what to do. I’m sorry if this is the wrong place to post this. I don’t have anybody to talk to.