I was diagnosed schizophrenic for the wrong reasons
I am actually schizophrenic, but it was always mild. In my early twenties I thought a massacre was the way to commit suicide, and reported myself to the hospital and the authorities before I acted. Best decision of my life, but it put me on an FBI watch list. They had to create a file on me and make sure I wasn't going to hurt anyone. I noticed strange coincidences after that, like an FBI agent showing up at my job and not saying why,. When I told people what I thought was happening, they basically said "FBI + psychosis? Automatically not real." That very assumption is what made my suspicions turn to delusions, because I was so desperate to prove what was happening that I suffered apophenia and found evidence everywhere, typically when there was none. Now, I'm on medicine that works, but my last therapist heard the word apophenia and stopped helping me cope. He started unintentionally gaslighting me about what had happened. I got so desperate I made up events to try and convince him to stop assuming like everyone else did. It became irreparable, so I left.I can't find a therapist who helps me distinguish between the reality that was and the reality my brain made up. I just don't know where to turn so I came here. Any input to help me cope would help.