Fears Do Come True: Best Friend Has Just Started Dating (Update After 1 Year)
Hello, everyone! I'm here because I need human insights, thoughts, and advice na rin siguro.
For context: Last year, I confessed to my best friend of more than 15 years that I love him (at the moment he told me was dating someone). I got rejected, of course, but he assured me that nothing would change. Nevertheless, I told him that I'd need to step back from the friendship for a while to process my feelings and keep their intensity from possibly ruining the friendship. And he graciously accepted my request.
So after eight months of no contact, I decided to reconnect. Believing that I was strong enough. I was happy to see and talk to him.
I'd be lying if I say that the feelings are already gone, but I can say that they have subsided and become less intense. Also set up boundaries for myself by not overextending and overgiving. In other words, hindi na gaano marupok.
The tricky part is this: siguro I'm grieving the closeness and ease between us. Again, I'd be lying if I say that nothing has changed. We're still close, though, and I still consider him my best friend. And I'd like to think that he still thinks of me the same way.
Here is one change I'm trying to navigate. I think this is an objective change I observed when we reconnected. Might even sound petty to some, but I think this is my anxious attachment in motion:
*Reduced interaction on Instagram: Before his relationship and all, araw-araw kami nagkaka-message on Instagram by sending reels and brainrot content. Ngayon, hindi na niya pinapanood 'yung mga sine-send ko. And if he sends something, sobrang sporadic. Parang every 15 days or so.*
*How I currently deal with it: accepting that our online interaction has changed due to his relationship. I have stopped sending him as frequently as before, and I would only send him something when I think it is really funny and relatable, without expecting anything in return. Kumbaga, it's my way of not overextending anymore.*
We still talk and update each other regularly on Messenger (and we still like each other's stories and posts on Instagram), so I must have assurance that our friendship is okay. But this one particular change--our reduced interaction on Instagram--is tripping me up. Why am I so fixated on this?
Sometimes, I'd like to talk to him about it. But to what end?
Am I trying to reclaim the old closeness and ease? I know that's impossible because things have changed and I know he's focused on his relationship.
Am I trying to get him to respond to my reels? I cannot and must not ask this because it's "clingy behavior." And if he responds, I know that it's not because he wants to but because I have asked.
Sometimes, I think he's just setting a boundary. This is something that I'm holding onto. And I respect it.
What do you think I should do? Currently, I have stopped sending memes and will only send when he sends me one. Kumbaga, matching his pace and energy.
I am happy to report, though, that the last two months were kinda the happiest this year so far. Not because we have reconnected but because of certain personal milestones at work, family, and other friendships. Goes to show that my life is expanding and I'm starting to decenter him. Heck, I didn't mind our reduced Instagram interaction during that period, but for some reason, this anxiety crept into my consciousness out of nowhere, and it's been bothering me for days.
Thoughts?