Hi everyone!
I’m looking for some outside perspective on a situation I got myself into.
At the end of March, I started talking to a guy I met on Grindr. After about two weeks of chatting, we met up for drinks.
The first date was fun, so we met again about 1–2 weeks later for a picnic.
That’s when we kissed for the first time.
We both expressed interest in being intimate, but since we both have roommates, it wasn’t easy to host.
I suggested getting a hotel, and he liked the idea. About 1.5 weeks after the picnic, we spent an evening and night together at a hotel. We had dinner, talked and overall it was a good experience.
From our conversations, I know he’s adventurous and loves traveling.
At some point, he casually mentioned going on trips together (like Prague or Rome), which I thought sounded fun, but didn’t take too seriously at the time.
After seeing each other three times, it felt like we both wanted to continue.
He even mentioned he’d like to see me weekly, though I’m not sure how seriously he meant that.
Then last week, he sent me a screenshot of a nice train deal to Rome. It sounded exciting, and without overthinking it too much, we booked tickets the same day.
The trip is in about 3 months, and we’ll spend 4 days there together.
Right after booking, we both acknowledged that we’ve never done something like this before meeting someone through an app, seeing each other only three times, and already planning a trip together.
Here’s where my doubts come in:
Normally, I’m quite rational in these situations. I don’t rush into things like this. But this time, I told myself to be spontaneous. I enjoyed the time I spent with him, I work a lot, and I thought a trip would be a nice break.
At the same time, I’ve been very clear (to myself at least) that I’m not looking for a relationship right now. The main reasons:
I work 7 days a week (75 hours), going to the gym 4 times a week, and have other commitments. I have specific financial goals I want to achieve in the next 3–5 years.
I realistically don’t have the time or energy to give someone the attention they might want or deserve in a relationship.
That said… I’ve noticed something shifting.
After about a month of talking and only three dates, I do find him interesting. Recently, after deleting Grindr (for a digital detox, not because of him), I caught myself checking whether he was still active there. That surprised me.
I’ve also noticed that communication is consistent during weekdays, but drops off during weekends.
Since booking the Rome trip, I feel more emotionally invested than I expected. And honestly, I’m starting to question whether this trip is too much, too soon.
Four days together in another country feels quite intense for something that’s still so new.
I’m worried about developing feelings while he might just see this as something casual or fun. I don’t want to end up in a situation where I’m more emotionally involved than he is.
My questions to you:
What is your view on this situation?
Would you go on the trip thats already booked or cancel it?
How do you balance “being spontaneous and intimate” with staying true to your own boundaries?
If you have any other thoughts about this whole situation I would like to hear it.
Thanks in advance for your thoughts!