I'm in a tough spot, I (M23) have had a slight crush on a friend (F23) for years now, the kind you sort of ignore due to having other priorities, I've gone out with other people in the meantime, because there was a point in time where we barely spoke, but we've been pretty consistent the last few years, I see her as a good friend who I've had a little spark for ever since we became friends around 2021, it's just... Never really gone away; now, I don't wanna start a committed relationship, I'd love to be more intimate with her to be entirely honest, but I'm not in such a mindset right now where I can commit and keep up with someone consistently, I feel it would be extremely selfish and irresponsible to ask that of her when it's not what I want or need at the moment, but my mind, my priorities and my heart aren't really in alignment here, cause there's times where I feel my emotions for her getting to me, times we're hanging out like normal and I get a slight urge to hold her hand, hug her tightly or even kiss her cheek, things like that.
I don't want to keep ignoring it and the more time passes I feel like it gets to me more and more, it kinda sucks, I get intrusive thoughts about many things in my life, including this, which makes me feel worse about it, and makes me think that I only see her as an object; I know that's not the truth, which is why I wanna let it out, so I can move on.
However, I know how shitty it is for someone you've known for a while to confess that they've seen you in a completely different way this whole time, and that could re-frame a lot of the time we spent together as me trying to get something of her, or take advantage, which isn't the case at all, I enjoy her company as a friend, she's very special to me regardless of my crush, and I've been on the other side on the past and despised it, to think a close friend of yours has had ulterior motives, it's something that can ruin a friendship, personally, I'm able to move on from the rejection, what I want with this is to be able to let it out so I can do so, but I'm afraid of the way she might react or interpret it, and a small part of me feels like I'm unloading my emotional baggage on her simply for telling her, making it her responsibility, which is very selfish and I get it, which is why I've tried to ignore it for years and simply move along on my own, but recently I realized that I can't, and that's the dilemma I find myself in.
How do I go about this while avoiding doing all the things I described that I don't want her to think of me? is it even worth it?, am I too self centered if I do this?.
Probably should've made the post sooner since we're seeing each other tomorrow to just hang out, and I'm thinking of telling her if I find the right moment to do so, still, I'd appreciate any advice especially from women that have been in this situation.
tl;dr I've had a crush on a friend of years that I've tried to move on from this entire time, seems like it won't go away, therefore I want to tell her so I can move on, but I'm afraid it's too selfish of me and want to know how to do it without making her think I've had ulterior motives for our friendship this entire time.