We've been together for 8 years. He's a good partner in that he plans dates and vacations, and he's an amazing gift-giver. If I see something I want, and we can afford it (even sometimes not), he gets it for me or makes it happen as soon as he can.
However, he's pretty terrible in other ways that *mostly* didn't show up until after we had kids.(There were some weird things pre-kids, rude but not exactly abandon ship worthy to me at the time. Looking back yeahhhhhh I'd smack myself for tolerating it, but in the moment I think things were just so few and far between that I overlooked them, I guess. Like one time his mom came over to our house on my birthday and I had taken a "happy birthday!" call from a relative. She overheard it and glared at him, and asked why he didnt tell her it was my birthday and he SHRUGGED.) He lied/lies, a whole lot. And when he gets caught its my fault?
He's not the greatest dad, and before anyone says its because he didnt want to be a dad, kids were his idea. He reminds me alot of my own in many ways and, mine definitely wasn't winning any awards for father of the year. He doesn't hit them or anything, but the emotional abuse is definitely there. He's pretty hands off, and when they were baby-babies, any time I would hand them off to him, or ask him to bring them to me, he would say "Come to (his name)." Instead of dad or daddy, etc. I flew off the handle, he apologized, claimed it was an accident and, like the young moron I was, I accepted the apology and moved on.
He'd carry his nieces and nephews to their beds we kept at our house for them if they fell asleep on the couch, which I thought was so cute and sweet, and when I asked "aww, is (toddlers name) next?" He sneered at me and said "No?!" Like he was offended I had even asked. It's alot of similar incidents that really just make me angry.
He also berated me about my weight when he stopped initiating things and I found his search history on the computer, saying he looks at other girls online and wont touch me because of how much weight I've gained.
I KNOW what I need to do, I just don't have all the tools I need to do it(this is a rant welcoming any advice or ideas, not begging or asking for a handout or a getaway car) I can't drive anymore because of my vision (this is recent), I hate that I have to depend on him to get around, and I have NO support system, no family, and no friends. I have a well paying job that I can transfer within to another city or state, however, escaping is harder than making the decision.
TL;DR- Husband is a jerk, I want to leave but not sure how. Welcoming suggestions and ideas!