u/Calm-Gene5764

Just wanted to tell someone who doesn’t know me. I’m so excited!

I live in Canada where starting March 17 of 2027 medically assisted passing will be made available on grounds of mental illness with depression being mentioned explicitly.

I’m walking on air right now guys! For the first time in over a decade I feel like I can breathe. Like a 50 pound weight has been lifted from my chest. I’m finally gonna be free.

I’ve struggled with depression and wanted to commit “soothe in side” since I was a kid. First attempt at 16 years old and the most recent was 2 years ago at age 27 with 3 more attempts in between.

Each time I’ve ether been talked down by loved ones or woke up on a stretcher. Still depressed only now having to console someone close to me who thinks they’re doing the right thing by “saving me”.

But now with MAID coming into law next year I can finally kiss it all goodbye! No more stress. No more mourning. No more rage. No more crying. Just sweet sweet nothingness. Just gotta stick it out another couple years. Looks like I’ll see 30 after all.

Maybe I’ll reincarnate. If so I’ll be sure to do things differently. Give myself a chance to make the next life count. Or maybe my Christian relatives are right and I’ll wake up in an eternal fire pit. I’d still take that over this life. But more likely it will just fade to black. Like falling asleep and never waking up again. Which would be ideal. I really hate existing.

Just in case it wasn’t clear I’m not advocating this as a solution for everyone. Some people can recover and beat depression. And everyone should try before resorting to this. I’m just done trying. And the thought of it all coming to an end feels a million times better than more therapy or another medication. At least to me.

Wishing you all the best! And if there is a god I’ll be sure to ask them what the hell is up with this world we live in.

My gf and I have been dating about a year. We’re both 30.

For context I’ve always been a late bloomer and didn’t end up loosing my virginity till I was 26. My gf on the other hand has been sexually active since she was in her teens.

Last night she told me when she told me when she was 18 she hooked up with a guy she worked with in a youth program. They were just friends until they both got high one day and ended up having sex. She broke things off with him shortly after.

What bothers me is how it reflects my own experiences or lack there of. Like I said I didn’t have my first time till I was 26. And before that point I was in a hard depressive spiral that lead to a pretty embarrassing phase of involuntary celibacy that lasted years and at lead to self loathing, self harm and social isolation.

The spell finally broke when I dropped out of uni and joined another countries military and gained some skills and self confidence in an actual war. Yeah… it took an actual war to get me out of my mom’s basement. (Which I’m now 1 missed pay check away from returning to btw).

So when my 30yo gf told me about the casual sex she had at 18 it brought me right back to some of the worst points in my life. I’ve seen and done things I still have nightmares about. Froze at night in the field. Starved and gone days without sleep in a devastated city. And hearing about a sexual encounter my partner had 12 years ago was about as bad a gut punch as having a flashback.

She told me that it later turned out the guy she slept with was gay and closeted. I think she thought it would make me feel better but it only made it worse.

If I’d been in that guys position at that age it would have saved me YEARS of crippling depression to THIS DAY. I never would have flown half way across the world to spend a year in war torn hell. Never would have had to do what I did. See what I saw. Live with the constant shame of not being good enough to keep my friends alive.

I would have had the confidence live like a normal person. To go out, hold a job, stay in uni, make friendships that weren’t built on trauma bonds.

An encounter like the one my gf gave another guy could have save my life and made me a better person if it had happened to me. But instead it happened to a guy mentally incapable appreciating it.

That was last night and I still can’t look her in the eye. I didn’t sleep. My heart is still racing. RJ is hitting me harder than shell shock guys!!! Wtf is wrong with me…