u/Calliope714

I'm not in a great mood today and I just need to get my thoughts out. For context I am 31 Bisexual (M) married to 36 cishet (F) with 2 wonderful children. My wife is currently deployed right now. I crossdress and wear makeup. My wife is not into it but she supports me. I very recently discovered that I have gender dysphoria. Since she was away and I didn't want to put her in an awkward situation, I decided I wanted to go on a feminization journey after talking to her about it briefly. I started moving and talking in a more feminine way. I bought more casual female clothes to wear more often.

I politely asked my close friends to refer to me with She/Her pronouns and call me Maddi. They were very supportive and had no issues agreeing to it. Now I am also AuDHD and I have a hard time externally showing my emotions, but I was very happy when they called me "she" or "Maddi." It felt good to hear. I explained all these changes to my wife and that she did not have to use any of these terms. To her I was and am still her husband. She was doing her best to be supportive.

Now me and my wife have wonderful communication. I would say it's our biggest strength as a couple. We are very honest with each other. My wife messaged me this morning saying that she was very concerned with my feminization journey and she was worried that it might lead to me wanting to transition and stated that if it continued that we would have to seriously look at our marriage. I told her that I understood her concerns and that I wasn't sure what I wanted out of this, but I think deep down I do want to be considered a woman. But my wife is not gay. She will never be gay.

I got scared at the thought of losing my wife and being separated from my kids, so I grabbed all of my girl clothes and makeup, shoved them in boxes and put them away where I didn't have to look at them. I feel like if I keep crossdressing at this point that it's just gonna make me sad and depressed. I feel like I have to just bury it away and forget about it to deal. I've started checking my movements as well so that they don't appear or feel feminine anymore and I almost broke down crying. It feels like I'm cutting a piece of me away, but I don't want to put my family in distress and I don't want to struggle with this for the rest of my life. I'm looking into therapy right now to help me navigate it, but I just needed to get my words out.

Sorry for the lengthy post! Hello everyone! I'm new to this reddit community. I'm not trans (I don't think). I'm looking for some advice and some support because | feel like I'm at a crossroads. I am 30(M) married to 36(F) with 2 kids. I am also AuDHD if that helps with context.| didn't suspect | had dysphoria until the military kicked out trans and individuals with gender dysphoria. | had been crossdressing before that happened and | still do. When | was a kid [ had always wondered what it would be like to be the opposite gender. I've read articles that say it might be a subtle hint at dysphoria. | started crossdressing when | was about 27 or 28. Small things. Experimenting with make-up, trying on skirts and panties, wearing wigs. Then | later came out as bisexual. | am attracted to very feminine men.

| get very excited (mostly turned-on) when | think ! look really cute in a dress or sexy in lingerie. I thought that this just meant it was a fetish for me. I've done a little more research and I've found that this also might hint at gender dysphoria. | do sometimes wish that I had a more feminine physique because it would look better in the outfits I wore. I'm pretty sure I have gender dysphoria at this point, but I'm just not sure what to do about it. My wife has been very supportive and is even okay with me openly crossdressing around our close friends. However my wife is in to very muscle-y and manly guys (of which ! am not). We have really good communication even if it sometimes leads to stressful and hard conversations.

But...what am | supposed to do about possibly wanting to be a girl. | feel like crossdressing is her line. That's the most that she can handle, because | can still go back to being a man when | take everything off. | also feel like I'm already sacrificing a part of myself to not create more stressors in our lives (of which there are many).

| might just need an ear for my rant. I'm just not sure how to navigate this.