I’m not really sure where to start, but I feel like my marriage is at a breaking point and I don’t know what to do anymore.
My wife and I have been together for about 6 years. We’re both still pretty young and we have two kids together. In the beginning things were decent, but we started arguing pretty early on. A lot of it was about me spending time with friends or doing things without her. Over time, it just turned into constant arguments about different things.
Things would get better for a bit, then worse again. That cycle has basically been our whole relationship.
After our first kid, things started declining more. One of the biggest issues for me has been intimacy. She’s never really been into sex much, but for me it’s important. I guess I expected it to be somewhat frequent, especially early in marriage, but it just kept decreasing over time. Now it’s basically nonexistent.
This year we’ve only had sex maybe 5 to 6 times total. I initiated most of those, and the only times she initiated were recently, after I had already stopped trying. At this point I don’t even bring it up anymore because it just feels pointless.
We also live with her parents and siblings, which adds a lot of stress. There’s no privacy, and honestly the environment just feels chaotic all the time.
Our communication is terrible now. When we argue, it gets intense for a few minutes and then we just completely shut down. We’ve gone days, even up to a week, barely talking to each other while just coexisting and taking care of the kids.
I feel completely unsupported, emotionally and physically. I’ve gone through a lot of financial stress and didn’t feel like she had my back. At the same time, I know she’s gone through a lot too, especially with having kids. I’m not saying I’m perfect. I know I’ve done things wrong, but it feels like there’s no mutual respect anymore.
I’ve tried changing how I act, being more patient, more supportive, more present, but I don’t feel like it’s being returned. After a while I just stopped trying because it felt one sided.
Every time we try to fix things, it just goes right back to how it was.
At this point I feel stuck. I don’t want to give up on my family, but I also don’t know how to keep going like this.
Has anyone been through something similar? Is this fixable, or are we just dragging something out that’s already broken?
Theres a lot of missing context here but this is a gist.
tl;dr we argue and fight and go silent for days on end
Our marriage has been sexless and no respect towards me