u/CallMeNhoxh

Hello, I was hoping for some advice and opinions on overcoming a personal issue with the application and my partners usage of it.

We've both had Snapchat since we were teenagers. I haven't really ever used it, even when young, but to my knowledge, she used it pretty often for friends and "streaks" and updates on her public story that anyone can view (As long as they know her username, they don't necessarily have to follow or even add her)

She primarily uses it to talk to friends, both men and women, by sending them messages and pictures. When I asked for the context of these pictures, it's the usual "Odd angle" or "blank picture" - I kinda know what these are and I know they're used often. I obviously don't know what the conversation entails, even when it's with a man. She has refused to show me, and states that trust does not extend to invading privacy. Which I can't argue with.

This does make me a little uncomfortable. I've been cheated on before through this application, and I've found out some not very nice stuff through it too. I naturally have a very negative view on disappearing instant messaging.

We had an emotional scare recently where someone, an ex of hers, created a detailed fake profile of her on a dating app and I was informed of this by a friend. We went through the process, and whilst my trust was shaken, it came to be that this was indeed a fake profile and we're back to normal. Mostly.

I will admit here, I was more shaken and effected than I wanted to be, so I'm currently seeing a therapist. He's helping me overcome this emotional knot I have.

My issue is twofold: I don't really talk to women casually outside of work because I prefer the boundary. Given the choice, I wouldn't have her use Snapchat to talk to male friends, but instead Instagram or Messenger or anything else. I trust her, I hate the app. It's a hard mix, but I don't have a problem with her having male friends, I would prefer she didn't, but I don't control her and it's her choice.

I don't like that I could be waiting.. Say an hour for a reply, and then check her story on Snapchat and she's posted about making breakfast or how she's enjoying the sun.

I always ask to be included in these.. Little moments of her life, I really enjoy talking about almost anything, so breakfast, the weather, the plans for the day, the need to go to the shop, I would love to be kept in these loops. However, sometimes, a bit more often recently than I can handle, I'm finding out through this app. I don't know if other people are getting these updates, but I just know that I am not.

I obviously, completely understand, that 'I' am the problem here. I'm the insecure one. I'm seeing someone about it, I want to improve.

But I'm still a little stuck at the moment and would appreciate the advise of those who have gone through something similar. As someone who doesn't use social media, being with someone who very much uses it, What can I do to get over this barrier?

Thank you for your time.

TL;DR - My Partner uses Snapchat quite a bit, but I'm very rarely on social media as it is. How do I learn to accept the usage of this disappearing instant messaging app, her use of it for male friends, and finding updates of her life through it that get missed during conversations with me. Updates I ask for.