Hello! Okay, so I (f20) have been in a relationship with my (m21) bf for nearly 5 years. I have met almost all of his family and they all love me. The few people in me family he has met, my family has loved him. The only person who needs to know about my boyfriend on my side is my father. And my father(m60) hates my boyfriend.
Context: When we were in high school, my boyfriend and I sent some explicit emails to each other on the school chromebooks (idiot horny teenagers, you know?), and they got flagged. My dad was contacted and I was in trouble for years. A little while after that, my mother(f43) (my mother and father never were in a relationship) gave me a secret phone to talk to her AND my boyfriend. Long story short, I got caught and my father banned me from speaking to my boyfriend again.
Clearly, that didn't work. We kept in contact and ended up going to the same college. My boyfriend and got back together, began living together, and now have two cats! We want to get engaged, but the only thing left is for my dad to be told. I want so badly to marry my boyfriend, but my father is so scary to me. He verbally and mentally abused me a lot of my life. My dad has been busy, so im hoping that if I tell him, he will just say "okay" because he is too busy to care, but I doubt that would be the reality.
Would I be the asshole if I don't tell my dad? How do I tell him if I do? I'll give whatever context you need. Thank you for reading!
Edit: The only reason I haven't cut my father off is because my younger sister (f14) lives there and she's one of the most important people in my life.