It’s me again.
I’ve been heavily involved in a local community group focused on rights, mutual aid, and creating safe, inclusive spaces. I’ve helped organize meetings, fundraise, donate, and contribute to the overall vision and execution. This space genuinely means a lot to me—it feels like somewhere I belong and can show up fully.
The issue is that an ex-friend (5yrs) of mine, who has shown racist behavior in the past (including toward people in my life), has said she plans to come to one of our upcoming events. This wasn't acts of racism where she called us slurs, but moreso of dismissing, projecting, centering, and prioritizine extra curricular events over opportunities to show up for us when we needed it--ex: going to a volleyball game instead of coming to our book club that she wanted to organize. Anyway, she says she is coming to our ebent that I am helping to organize. This isn’t the first time she’s said she’d show up (polls)—she’s done that before and didn’t follow through, which has honestly felt a bit destabilizing, like I’m being kept on edge.
This time feels different because she said she’s bringing food, which makes it seem more likely she’ll actually attend. The event is supposed to be a safe, community-centered space for May Day (rally, soccer + a grill out), and the idea of her being there is making me really anxious.
I don’t know how to handle this. On one hand, I don’t want to create tension or conflict within the group. On the other hand, it feels really uncomfortable that someone who has caused harm and thinks they are the victim could just enter a space that’s supposed to be safe—especially one I’ve put so much time and energy into building.
I guess I’m wondering…
Has anyone dealt with something like this before?
How do you protect your peace in a shared community space like this?
Is it reasonable to bring this up to organizers, or does that risk creating more issues?
I don’t want to overreact, but I also don’t want to ignore my own discomfort. I really just want her out of the group and group chat…