So I am a student in class 12th studying for NEET in an integrated institute. This chem teacher came to our class last October midterm to teach us as there was a change in our faculty, and henceforth teaches us. She has super fashion sense, and knows how to do her makeup and clothes etc, and is also an influencer/youtuber. She is 28yr old as she said before.
When it was her first time in this school (and in our class) last October, I was going through severe depression and PTSD trauma. It was my hardest time of my life. I was just attending school but I was disconnected from studies. It was due to some personal family problems which were ongoing at that time and it was difficult for me to cope up with the pressure, stress and trauma. There is a PLC ROOM in our school which stands for "personalized learning centre" which basically helps students tackle exam pressure, or any other kind of stress that they are going through which is inhibiting them from studying.
When she newly arrived, during her lectures I used to regulary have PLC session and hence I used to leave class and go to the PLC room. The counselling in the PLC room used to last for 1-1.5 hour max.
One day when there was nobody in class, she asked me that why do I leave her lectures often and why am I in the sick bay all the time (I also used to leave school mid day). I was so mentally ill that I revealed all my trauma and personal problems to her. And she quitely listened. I trusted her.
She is a kind of a teacher, that she scans every student in the class and sees "can this boy/girl get me good rank in JEE/NEET?" One day she openly revealed in class that she has a few students in her mind that will get rank and she will **only focus on them a lot**. Because when they get good ranks, she will get famous that and she will get promoted and that she will get more salary.
From the first week, she never payed attention to me at all and ignored me completely, from the day I revealed my problems and trauma. She probably went in her head "ohhh this boy has some serious problem going on... How will he get me any rank?? He stays absent usually.. Why to focus on him??? Leave him.."
Soon November came and my health got worse. I tried to end my l!fe and was in a coma for a few days. I was absent the whole month of November. This news was spread throughout the school and **even her**. When I came back to school, all my trauma and mental health was gone. I was a normal kid again, just like any normal kid in a class, surprisingly. I felt very free and happy that I could study normally now. I stopped going to PLC and my life turned normal
But this teacher, she still started ignoring me.
Suppose there is a class : it contains crazy intelligent students and a few students who kinda need help and assistance in their studies. A teacher knows that she needs to guide and help the students more who are not 'toppers' and who definetly need help in studies. I am one of them. When a new chem concept is taught, I have many doubts and I usually don't get the new concepts very quickly.
There is a boy in my class, who is way more scoring and intelligent than me. As the chem teacher teaches a new concept, she literally 'runs' to that students bench and asks him herself "DO U HAVE ANY DOUBTS?? DID YOU NOT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING BETA??" And that student literally does not have any doubts but she will focus on him extra. But she knows damn well that I am in the class, probably going through a tough time, she should atleast ask me once ? She never even does any eye contact with me in a whole 5 hour lecture even though I'm sitting on the first bench. When I myself ask her a doubt, she would not personally answer it or answer it while looking at me, she would look at the whole class and answer the doubt as if the whole class asked her the doubt except me.
I was very frustrated with her behaviour and the double standards, discrimination that she was upholding but I let it go. As I was getting normal, I tried to not be absent most of the time and actually started studying. In home, I began studying from 8pm and went upto 3 am studying continuously. But when the PTM arrived, she tells my dad "Arre sir aapka beta bilkul padhai nahi karta hai, usko bolo padhayi karne ko ghar pe, wo probably stress me lagta hai mujhe, wo shayad apne aap se hi padhta hai, wo probably ghar pe time waste/sota hoga, naaki ghar pe padhai naaki school me". But my father told her "No ma'am, he actually studies for long hours. I myself tell him that stop studying, it's enough... It's 3 am now ... But he dosent listen" and my teachers reaction was like 😶🌫️ she was silenced.. she didn't speak anything to that
This angered me a lot again. But as usual, I leT iT Go. Soon 12th came and I promised myself that I'll start styding from day 1 itself. I developed a good image of her form a month. I was never absent on her class. But she still ignored me, never spoke with me, never asked me anything, probably because "aree ye kaha rank laayega mere liye". But I ignored all of that. I myself began talking with her. I used to ask her doubts on whatsapp, but she replied after 2 days. When others ask her doubts, she replies in 30 mins max. I used to argue with our coordinator that "please keep chem lecture more, please don't change faculty, please extend chem subject next week" and I used to inform her and she used to feel happy saying "thanks so much"
Now I realised, that I was just a middle goat. I am trying to adjust lectures for you, to keep you in school, argue with all other teachers, so that you teach us more often in our lectures, just so that you ignore me in the class and focus on other students and don't focus on me even not even 1%???????????????????????????????
As usual, I leT iT Go
These days, I thought that she probably forgot all my trauma image ffom the past, and I have made a good image of me and now she atleast thinks good of me, and that I'm actually studying.
I thought in my mind, "let it be... I can't change her. Just learn the chapters and concept from her... Only a few months left and I'll never see her again in my life", until what happened today.
Today I came to school and I genuinely was sick. I was vomiting and felt fever (viral infection) and hence I left mid day from school at 9am. Around 12am, she comes to our class to teach students and notices my absence. She does not care if I'm present or absent, as usual. But my institute director and co-founder visits our classroom during her lecture. He asks her - "who is absent today?"
And she says my name. And she begins. "Sir, there is this student in bio, usko serious health problem hai and isiliye sick bay jaata rehta hai and absent rehta hai" and she goes out of the class and shares all my **sensitive, personal problems** of the last November to him. She is already informed by my classmates that I have taken midday because I had fever. But she doesnt speak that reason. How do I know all of this when I was absent? One of my close classmates told me.
Since January, this was my first time being absent in your lecture, that too not intentionally and because of fever, and the other students have also informed this to you that I left midday because of fever. Still you told that sir all of my problems ? And to anyone thinking, those problems are not some ABCD problems. They are very violent and sensitive personal problems that are not meant to be shared. Don't you have manners and respect?
I thought that my hatred towards her was reducing day by day, until today when she broke my trust again. She can do whatever she wants, I don't care now. But she is not even helping me nicely in my studies, ignoring me, never speaking with him, only looking at me purposefully when needed. Why ? Because he is going through some problems and he will not give me any rank (I'm completely fine and normal since December)
Does anybody have tips on how to deal with this. This is serious.