Hi everyone,
I’m currently a solo mom to a wonderful baby boy, and I am scheduled to start prep for a frozen embryo transfer (FET) next week. If it works, my kids will have a ~20–21 month age gap.
I am having MAJOR cold feet right now.
In a perfect world, my ideal age gap would be around 2.5 years. However, my current job has incredible benefits that I know I won’t get at my next one. I get 6 months of fully paid maternity leave and strong job security. My current contract ends in August 2027, but if I have a baby before then, it automatically extends to cover my leave.
If I wait for my “ideal” gap, I’ll likely be starting a brand new job in the private sector, with no safety net, trying to prove myself while pregnant or with a newborn. Strategically, doing this now feels like the safer move.
My fears is that I am doing this alone. I have family nearby for emergencies, but the day-to-day (and especially nights and weekends) will mostly be on me. On the plus side, my current child is in full-time childcare (8am–5pm), and the second baby will be too after my leave ends. I also have a plan to stay with family during the newborn phase to get some support with meals and logistics, but I’ll still be the default parent.
What scares me most is the physical exhaustion of managing two very young kids alone, and losing the relatively peaceful evenings I currently have.
My questions:
Has anyone chosen a shorter age gap mainly for financial/job security? Did it feel worth it once you were in it?
Solo parents of 2 under 2 — what does the day-to-day actually look like, especially evenings and weekends? What were the hardest parts, and what made it manageable?
Any practical survival strategies that made a real difference (routines, setups, mindset, etc.)?
I feel like I’m trading short-term intensity for long-term stability and opportunity, but the reality of solo parenting 2 under 2 is honestly intimidating me right now.
I’d really appreciate honest, experience-based perspectives — both the good and the hard.