tl;dr: my partner has a toxic family which got very involved into our relationship due to bad financial decisions on his side and now he demands me to fill his cup by constantly validating him and giving him the love he is supposed to get from his family and other people.
My partner and I (M&F both 29y/o) are together for almost 4 years now. My sister is getting married next week and I have a ton of things to do regarding the wedding and also other things in our personal life. We also are in a friends house right now that is full of our personal belongings because we got kicked out of his mothers place (long story short, his mother is toxic). Instead of being understanding, my partner wants me to pour from an empty cup. I understand that everyone has to show efforts even if it’s hard. However, due to his lack of emotional self regulation, he demands me to fill his cup whenever it gets low: Today we woke up & he says that I didn’t give him any attention yesterday because I was editing a video. Later, he tells me that if I make myself something to eat I should make something for him too because he hasn’t eaten (I always cook for us). He never notices that I have a lot on my plate and when I tell him, he doesn’t care and shines light onto his feelings and how he is struggling. I am always there for everyone and pouring and pouring. And while trying to pour into my loved ones glasses I also pour into his cup again and again because of his toxic mother and how she makes him feel - only that his cup has a hole and it is never enough. I could fill the cup to the brim and let if overflow, only for it to drain again through the hole of unresolved traumas and abandonment issues. I am so tired of it and I feel like no matter how much I tell him how full I make is glass and how much water I put in by being there even when his mother said abusive things to me and kicked me out of the flat for nothing, he only sees the liquid that escapes through the hole in the bottom. How am I supposed to keep the water in when the hole can only be filled by himself?