u/C00l_Jelly

I have read up so much about narcissism now that I don’t wish to read another book about it for the rest of my life. Knowledge is power, but understanding it more while also trying to manage a situation you can’t escape… it’s exhausting. Apparently it’s fairly common but not talked about much so thought I’d post here.
Please note there is no confirmed diagnosis which is why I wrote tendencies instead of labelling him as a narcissist.

A gentle Mother’s Day to those who didn’t bring their wanted baby home, or brought them home for them to leave earth side too soon.

To those who have children earth side and don’t, because motherhood started the day your body and heart started preparing for you wanted child’s arrival.

This time last I had just met who I thought I would be my mother in law. I was terrified, and excited. I didn’t know I only had a month left with my baby.

As much as you can hold the grief, remember to hold the joy, for you only are grieving this hard because you loved hard. That’s a beautiful although painful thing.

I hope everyone can hold some compassion for wherever they are on this complicated day. Sending so much love and care ✨

I am quickly approaching one year since my loss… and recently my partner just abandoned me. Despite saying he didn’t have capacity for us anymore, he kept saying we would be together to figure things out till the last time I saw him. Then he stopped answering calls, messages, etc.
I feel like I lost him before this happened, around the 6 month mark, so the adjustment could be harder. However, I still never thought we’d end without a conversation, especially after what we’d been through. And when I think of honouring our baby, I always think he should be there too.

I need to plan something. I don’t care what. I just wish I had someone else to share honouring my baby with. I have a few stuffies to donate. I was thinking I could make handwritten cards to go with them that are from my baby. Or give them to mamas who recently have had a pregnancy loss as a comfort item with some gentle words.

I told my baby I would make him proud. I don’t feel like I really have, I’ve just survived. I am doing okay, but no clear accomplishments since his passing, just a lot (a lot) of feelings.

I feel like I’m two people. The one who is deciding not to let this past year shatter her, who’s looking forward, who’s trying to accept this may never happen again and be okay with it. Vs the one who is distraught, holding it together for the sake of the ones who love her, and just pushing through because the only other option means giving into all the pain, and I know my baby would still want me to feel joy.

I need more ideas to honour my baby. I don’t know what to do with this grief. I miss him so much and I can’t believe it’s been almost 11 months. I realised some things help, but they don’t take away the pain.

Today was one of those days where the grief came and smacked me in the face. I got through the day semi successfully (not in productiveness but success not giving into spiralling).

I was thinking how hard it can be to think what to do or how to manage when the grief is loud and demanding attention. So I thought I’d start a list of things that help.
These can be things that help distract (cuz there are certainly times we can’t always go there), and they can be things that help you feel the loss and process in a healthy way (cuz frustratingly it helps to feel it so it doesn’t build up).

I thought I’d start the list in case it could help anyone here. Then people can add to it, and hopefully this can be a post people can refer back to when the grief is demanding and before the spiralling starts.

- going through the memory box/area
- having a comfort item (I have a weighted Waldorf style baby doll)
- writing letters to angel baby
- going for a walk
- taking a shower
- remembering to eat
- sleeping early
- resting hand as if feeling for baby (this used to bring tears, but now I remind myself his cells are part of me and it oddly makes me feel connected to him still)
- have a happy and sad playlist that you can listen to depending if you want to switch mood or feel the grief
- do something that feels in honour of baby (sometimes I write poetry, sometimes draw, I like to get creative if I can)
- tell someone you need distraction (asking for help is a sign of strength even if someone can’t be there in that moment).
- lean into religion/spirituality

There’s more I’m sure, but this is a starting point. Please feel free to add more and show support.

Second trimester loss. What happened doesn’t matter now cuz it can’t be changed. Trying to accept, grieve, and keep moving.

TW: living child. I have a living child and oh my lord I am grateful for him. However I never anticipated another child, and when it happened, I was so happy scared but optimistic. My partner wasn’t his bio dad, but they loved each other.

Well, that loss happened 10 months ago. Less than a month ago, my partner became my ex partner. He ended the relationship ambiguously, saying he loved me, also wanting no ties to me anymore. I know life’s been hard for him, it’s been hard for me too. The non closure is hard. The fact this is how it went when we almost because a family is tough. The fact we had talks of trying again in March which didn’t happen- mutual decision, however I was really hopefully nearing the end of 2025 that 2026 would bring up new life and joy and experiences.

My period is now messed up- and before I know this would have stressed me. I would have worried about not being able to conceive again. And now I am and then I remember my partner is gone, I won’t be trying again, and the grief is worse. After trauma with my first child, I didn’t think I wanted another child. That changed when I got pregnant with my partner with my second. And getting through our loss I was more certain we could make it and my partner felt like family more than he even did during the pregnancy. And now he’s just.. gone.

And now I don’t know how I’d get the courage to have another even if I did get in the right relationship for it all.

Everything reminds me of the grief. Everything reminds me of my baby I loss. And I’m tired all the time. Sooo tired. And so angry at my ex partner for having things go against his own morals (ghosting me, leaving me forced to end things for clarities sake, forcing me to pack his stuff).

Please tell me it gets better. I don’t think I was built for a life with this much heart ache. There’s so many layers of grief and I know it would have existed had my baby made it but I still wish he was here too.