Advice please
I was cheated on by my boyfriend last Saturday. He made out with someone else & they gave each other hickeys. It has me broken. I have been cheated on 3 times (all different relationships) but this is the only time i didn’t have a single clue, gut feeling, suspicion, NOTHING that he would do this to me. I thought he loved me so much. He’d drive 1 hr on nights id be crying (unrelated to fights between us it would just be life things), he noticed things about me nobody has even myself, he’d give me massages all the time when I’m back from my office job, he was so good with communication, he never missed a day calling me beautiful,pretty etc. My family LOVED him he was so sweet to me and they knew it. When he cheated he texted me afterwards. He isn’t a big partier but he went to one, took shots for the first time and thats what led to him cheating. I got my things this Monday from him. We spoke in his car from 730-1250am. He cried a lot and so did I. I told him the general nobody will ever care about you as much as I did and i genuinely loved you & never would have done this to you. I have dated now 5 people but this is the worst breakup Ive gone through so far. The day after finding out i had to call the suicide hotline because i was out of state visiting friends so I had the long drive back by myself. I know his parents and friends are all shocked at what he has done as well so that makes me feel less crazy. I think when I’m more healed, I can maybe have him as a friend in the future but now it feels like I’m the one paying for his decisions because I am hurting so badly. I feel like ive lost the love of my life because nobody treated me as well as he did(before the cheating ofc) but yeah I want to die as of rn