SAHM and Provider
So I am the SAHM, and I work 20 hours a week to contribute what I can financially. I do this after my toddler goes to sleep for the night. During the day I do the cleaning, which can vary. Dishes. Floors. Child clean up consistently, and other taks sprinkled in like bathroom, bedrooms, appliances etc... I sleep usually 4-5 hours a night. My husband works nights so he's usually awake and availble for 2 hours. I'll usually spend time with them for an hour, maybe prep for bath time for our daughter, and then an hour to cook and feed us all dinner...
My husband provides the 3/4 the rent, internet, and phone - and my funds provide 1/4, the car payments and the car insurance. He does make better money than me and ofcourse he works the 20 extra hours, and if lucky enough for mote hours, another 5-10... he does have a labourous job that can be on the feet demanding, so I respect his sleep. Even when he has the days that arent as labourous or an easy pay.. I try to ensure I worry about our toddler so he can get 7-8 hours.
The other night I tried to turn to him to assist with two tasks. Small things that are difficult with a toddler unless done at night, but now my eveninga are work, sleep. So I can't take the garbage out and do the cat litter. It's just difficult and dirty around a toddler who may need pickup at any time. They take about 5 mins total and don't need to be done daily.
Last night I tried to approach my husband about needing some consistent task help. I didnt say what it was yet. He immediately got defensive and started talking about finances and how much he does. I then suggested selling the car and have the payments and over with to have more funds leftover to assist with more rent. I put my paychecks into our shared account and I don't really spend money on myself, i just move whats necessary for the car.. i have one year left on it so it sucks, its a good hybrid suv, but i hear his concerns and i want to help... anyways I never got to share what it was I wanted help with. He got super upset about me being unappreciative and called me a cunt. So I left it at that.
Later that night I tried expressing what I need and why finances shouldn't be held against me when sharing tasks. It ended up with him threatening taking time off to do what I do and I become him. I said you know what, bet. I'd love to work and socialize a bit, but i don't have guaranteed full time so you'd have to let me figure that out. Maybe we sell the car and properly swap roles, and I ask my place of employment to return to full time.
Today when I got home from the park with my daughter, as I'm feeding her he told me he took a week off of work and we are flipping roles. He told me his expectations for everything. How much to make, that his birthday is coming, the long weekend. Etc... I won't mention all the nasty things we said, and I do regret them. But this is so short notice. I feel like if he cared for our child he wouldn't spring this on me last second to try and figure out what we need. It's only an extra 600$ I feel like I can do it... but now my mother's day weekend is searching for last minute work.
I mentioned how if he asked for a little more in finances I'd have put the effort into get it, whatever it was, and all I was asking was for some small task helps to de-burden myself. Now I feel more like a burden. Im tired. I work 168 hours a week, and ironically I look forward to working for a week and stepping away from the mental load. But I'm going to make sure I do those two things I asked of him... more than likely I'll have to work two jobs and still have a 60 hour work week. But honestly. That's already less work than what I do each week. So again
Im cool with it. As long as I can actually get this money, and find 20-40 more hours such short notice. I do hope he maintains what I do as well in this "exchange".
Anyways I don't know what to think of all this. It feels selfish to do this to prove a point, but if I can't be heard I wouldn't mind if he felt it. If he really does everything that I do, that is. Was it wrong what I was trying to ask?