Hi, I’d appreciate some outside perspective because this situation is genuinely affecting me more than I expected.
I'm 45F and he is 37M.
I have been talking to a man for over a month every day (we had previously connected in the past as well only online and I decided to get back in touch with him.) At the beginning, he was very expressive - lots of compliments, calling me adorable, flirty, affectionate, messaging every day, good mornings/good nights, even offering calls most evenings. It felt warm, engaging, and honestly quite exciting.
Then we met in person. And I really like him. I definitely felt attraction.
After that, his behaviour noticeably changed. He didn’t disappear - he still messages me every day, replies consistently, agrees to phone calls, etc. But the tone is different now. He feels… flat. Neutral. Almost like I’m talking to a polite friend rather than someone who’s romantically interested.
We had a phone call recently and it was “fine,” but again - just normal conversation, no spark, no sense of desire. Meanwhile, I’m sitting there thinking how much I like his voice, how warm I feel towards him, and I’m not getting that energy back at all.
That’s what’s really throwing me off.
If he had just faded or ghosted, I think I could process that. If he was still clearly into me, I’d feel secure. But instead it’s this in-between where:
- he shows up every day
- he keeps the connection going
- but I don’t feel wanted or desired
And that’s starting to affect me more than I’d like to admit. I’ve even had anxiety spikes over it, which isn’t typical for me.
The hardest part is that he did show that desire at the beginning. So my nervous system is kind of like, “where did that go?” and I can’t seem to relax.
I’ve also realised something important about myself through this:
I don’t just want consistency or someone being “nice” - I need to feel like the person actually wants me (physically, romantically). Without that, it just feels like a friendship, even if we’re talking all the time.
So I guess my questions are:
- Is this just a normal drop-off after the initial excitement phase?
- Does this sound like someone who likes me but just isn’t very expressive?
- Or is this more like low effort / low interest that I’m trying to rationalise?
- Has anyone experienced this “still there but emotionally flat” dynamic before?
I’m trying to figure out whether this is something to give space and see if it evolves… or whether my body is correctly telling me that something is off.
Thanks in advance.