Hello, 29M here, I have ADHD and I've smoked pretty much daily for the last 10 years or so. I'm on day 8 cannabis free and I just wanted to share my story for anyone in a similar space as well as to get advice from anyone that's already walked this path that may have advice.
I had done some "T-breaks" in the past, never with the intention to leave weed behind. I knew about this sub but it didn't align with my goals, or at least what I thought were my goals. I decided to make the change after 420 this year, and I am so glad that I did. Something just hit different that day for some reason- looking at my coworkers hiding on breaks, all stopping to smoke just before going home (via their own vehicles of course) and it kind of made me reflect on how i might be perceived. In the past I've always had a chip on my shoulder when people criticized stoners because I never drove high, I disposed of my butts in the trash and was always respectful of people when out walking with a joint. That's all well and good, but at the end of the day I would be viewed as just as reckless as my coworkers. Quitting had been on my mind for a bit, I lost my father suddenly last year and it turned increasingly into a crutch since. I was struggling to keep on top of everything- letting dishes pile up, losing my passions, gaining weight, the works. Sure, theyre symptoms of grief but I'd be stupid to pretend that's it. I set off on this mission because in my mind, having that kind of grief changed the relationship I had with weed. It's only become apparent over the last couple days that my relationship with weed has always been extremely flawed and self destructive. It's incredible how much weed altered my perception. Instead of weed bringing me into a pit of despair following his death, I realized weed had robbed me of so much time that I could have better spent while he was around. I pissed away countless evenings, weekends and vacations saying I'll only smoke once or twice. In just one week sober I have found the courage to overcome problems I had previously labeled as too mountainous and lofty to achieve before. One of which i literally got in order on my lunch break. It was that fucking easy. My anxiety (which I'm pretty sure was just the weed) made me too afraid about the consequences/shame of falling behind that i just never took the first step. I realized that my main focus for a long time was putting all my available effort and energy into maintaining appearences to make sure people didnt realize how far I'd fallen. Just a week ago I was just smoking and avoiding dealing with these emotions. The paradigm shift is so intense I can't even begin to imagine doing any of that again. I'm so fucking done with this drug that was my "friend". A "friend" that robbed me of being able to show my dad a version of me that deep down he knew I could be. When he passed he said he was proud of me for who I was. I'm not. But I will be, one day. Without weed.
I wish so much I could go back in time and take this leap earlier. Now I have to live with the fact that my dad never got to see me self actualize. At the very least I have the strongest possible reason to never touch this drug again.
If you are struggling with the loss of a loved one you have my deepest sympathies. Deep down inside yourself there is an indestructible version of yourself that has the discipline, perseverance and drive to follow your dreams. Find them.
Thanks for reading, and for providing a community I can say this without feeling like a total idiot.