I could really use some advice.
I’ve been in a year-long situationship with another girl. I’m used to WLW relationships and I don't mind the "slow burn", so the lack of labels didn’t bother me at first.
About 6 months in, we had a major fight and took a 2-week break. During that time, I found out one of her close friends was speaking badly about me—and she didn’t defend me. That’s where things really shifted for me. It made me feel like I wasn’t protected or valued.
When we tried to fix things, I noticed she was saying things that sounded like they came straight from that friend. It felt like she was letting her friends influence how she saw me instead of forming her own thoughts or working things out directly with me. I brought it up, and she said she can't choose between me and her friends. I accepted that at the time, but I think I never really got over what happened.
Recently, I got triggered and realized I still feel anxious about the whole situation. I don’t trust her friends, and I don’t feel secure knowing she might stay silent if they disrespect me again. What makes it harder is that she said she wouldn’t bring me around them at all. That doesn’t make me feel better as it actually makes me feel excluded, like I’ll never fully be part of her life.
When I tried to talk about it again, she told me I’m overthinking and focusing on things that haven’t happened yet. But for me, it’s not just a “what if”—it already happened.
So now I’m questioning if I can even move forward with her. Is it unreasonable to not want to be with someone whose friends openly disrespect you? Am I overracting or could this be a boundary issue since we're not officially together just yet? Can a relationship even work if you don't feel included in your partner's circle?
I’d really appreciate honest advice.