*NSFW tag due to potentially triggering topics mentioned
So for context, I (31F) haven’t really dated since my early 20’s due to career focus, the pandemic etc etc, during the back end of the pandemic my mother (56F) split up with my father in 2022 and went through a traumatic mental breakdown at the time including an attempt. As their only child a lot of the emotional burden on helping her to get through this fell solely on my shoulders meaning she became heavily reliant on me, wanting to spend every weekend with me, trying to get me over for tea multiple times a week, basically taking up as much of my free time as she could to distract her.
Originally I relented to her wishes as she has a major talent for guilt tripping me or if I had plans an ‘emergency’ suddenly occurred. It was suffocating and as much as I asked family for advice on setting boundaries, every attempt was met with me being the villain.
Then she met a new partner Mike at the end of 2023 who she officially started dating in 2024. Suddenly every weekend was with Mike and I regained some of my freedom which was fantastic! she was finally recovering and thriving though at that point I still hadn’t met anyone myself. Then unfortunately in May 2025, Mike suddenly and tragically passed away due to cardiac arrest at the age of 62. We were back to square one. Though this time she had a stronger friendship group around her to share the support, she will always default to me as it’s not the same, I’m her daughter and we are ‘so close’.
Fast forward to now May 2026, I’ve started talking to a guy and I see potential for things to actually move forward with him. The one problem is, my mother is back to assuming every weekend I’m not working is her weekend to spend with me. Even to the point of her throwing a tantrum with me the other day because she wants a girls night with lots of drinks in June for her birthday except the Saturday she’s chosen (her birthday is the Monday after) is the Saturday before Father’s Day, and god forbid I can’t go out drinking lots when I have to make plans with my dad the next day and share that weekend between them.
Last weekend I did mention this man and giving him a chance but conveniently she seems to have forgot this conversation all together, automatically assuming that again when I’m not working I’ll be at her side. Even this weekend as I’m working she has overly gone out to find things to ‘keep her busy and distracted’ because I won’t be round to visit.
I fear her attitude and overall need to be in my business constantly (she has to FaceTime or call me every night and if I don’t answer it’s ’what are you busy with’) is going to ruin my chances with this man. I also don’t really want to tell her every detail of my dating life because I don’t want constant questions. She can also be very over the top when she has actually met guys that have shown me interest just out and about in general (she will go up to then and say ‘she her, that’s my baby, I gave birth to her’) … I think by now you might get the context of my situation.
What I’m asking Reddit users is, how on earth do I navigate this in terms of setting a firm boundary without causing a nuclear meltdown whilst also trying to keep my dating life private and just in general regain my freedom to go where and see who I want without questioning or providing extensive details and reasoning? I feel like I’m going crazy and would love outside input as brutal and or helpful as it might be.