u/Butterfly7485123 — reddlx

Asalamu alaikum,

I’m looking for honest advice, especially from married couples and brothers.

I’ve been married for 2 years, and I’m really struggling with how my husband handles conflict. I’m trying to understand if this is something that can realistically improve or if this is just who he is.

Whenever we have any disagreement:

He shuts down or gives me the silent treatment
He gets overwhelmed easily and avoids the conversation entirely
He cuts conversations short or walks away before anything is resolved
He can stay upset for days, and nothing gets fixed until he feels better
He never comes to initiate reconciliation — it’s always me because I can’t stand the tension
The house just sits in awkward silence until I give in and try to fix it
If I try to talk things through, he gets flustered and it goes nowhere
It feels like things have to go his way or they don’t get resolved at all

What’s hard for me is that we basically don’t communicate. Issues don’t get processed, resolved, or even properly discussed. It just gets avoided.

I don’t expect perfection, but I do expect effort, accountability, and some level of emotional regulation. I’m starting to feel like I’m the only one trying to maintain the relationship.

From an Islamic perspective, I also thought a husband should take initiative in resolving conflict and maintaining harmony, but I’m not seeing that.

So I’m asking:

Is this kind of behavior something you’ve seen improve in marriage?
For the brothers: is this something that can change with effort, or is this just how some men are?
For married women: have you dealt with this, and did it get better?
What actually helps someone like this change (if anything)?

I’m trying to be patient and fair, but I also don’t want to stay stuck in a dynamic where nothing gets resolved and I’m always the one fixing things. The first year of marriage flew by and I thought things would change and now that we’re coming up on 2 years things are still the same, I feel stuck. Any advice is welcome. JazakAllah khair.

Asalamu alaikum,

I’m looking for honest advice, especially from married couples and brothers.

Whenever we have any disagreement: • He shuts down or gives me the silent treatment • He gets overwhelmed easily and avoids the conversation entirely • He cuts conversations short or walks away before anything is resolved • He can stay upset for days, and nothing gets fixed until he feels better • He never comes to initiate reconciliation — it’s always me because I can’t stand the tension • The house just sits in awkward silence until I give in and try to fix it • If I try to talk things through, he gets flustered and it goes nowhere • It feels like things have to go his way or they don’t get resolved at all

What’s hard for me is that we basically don’t communicate. Issues don’t get processed, resolved, or even properly discussed. It just gets avoided.

I don’t expect perfection, but I do expect effort, accountability, and some level of emotional regulation. I’m starting to feel like I’m the only one trying to maintain the relationship.

From an Islamic perspective, I also thought a husband should take initiative in resolving conflict and maintaining harmony, but I’m not seeing that.

So I’m asking: • Is this kind of behavior something you’ve seen improve in marriage? • For the brothers: is this something that can change with effort, or is this just how some men are? • For married women: have you dealt with this, and did it get better? • What actually helps someone like this change (if anything)?