I posted before about my situation, and I wanted to share it her with an update because I’m feeling really confused.
I found flirty messages on my partner’s phone to a woman, complimenting her and clearly showing interest. I also found multiple pieces of evidence that they actually met that same day, along with other conversations between them. This wasn’t just a random friend — she was someone he had met on a dating app before me, and he had told me it was only one date and that it didn’t work out. Later, I discovered he was still in contact with her.
We had been together for 9 months and agreed to be committed. When I confronted him, he denied everything at first, then froze when I showed him the proof. That moment was the final straw for me, so I decided to leave.
Since then, I blocked him everywhere and chose silence. However, he found his way to send me and from the very first day, he kept sending me long messages. Most of them were full of accusations, mocking my way of thinking, and even criticizing the society I come from (for context, I’m from a different culture and country than him). There was no real apology or accountability.
At one point, he sent me flowers, but that came after a message where he was sarcastic and dismissive toward me, so I refused to accept them. After that, he sent a very harsh message insulting me and even bringing up the money he spent on me, which felt extremely disrespectful and manipulative.
Over time, his messages became less aggressive and more spaced out, but the tone shifted into self-pity. He started saying that I destroyed him, that I was too harsh, and that the way I cut him off was cruel. He keeps insisting that he needs to talk to me to get closure and find peace, saying he is completely broken and affected by how suddenly things ended.
What’s confusing to me is that in all of these messages, he never actually addressed what happened. He never explained, justified, or even acknowledged the situation itself. There was no real apology, and he never showed any awareness of the pain I might have felt. Everything has been centered around his feelings only.
Now I feel like he’s trying to make me feel guilty and get me to give him something — like closure — for his own peace. The problem is… it’s starting to work. I do feel guilty, even though I was completely sure of my decision and I know I had valid reasons.
At the same time, I feel that if I talk to him, I will leave the conversation feeling worse and more confused, while he will feel better. I don’t feel like he has done anything to deserve that from me, especially after how harsh and hurtful his messages were.
I’m honestly confused and emotionally overwhelmed. I’ve heard that sometimes people who betray you can make you feel like you’re the one who did something wrong — and I’m starting to wonder if that’s what’s happening here.
Am I being too harsh by refusing to talk to him? And is this guilt normal even when I know I made the right decision?